12:14 a.m. | 2001-05-17
What good can drinkin' do, what good can drinkin' do? Lord, I drink all night but the next day I still feel blue Damn, life is excruiatingly beautiful. Living and surviving is daily combat and humanity serving as soliders can be both heartwrenching and glorious to witness. When someone tells me that they aren't strong like me, or that they aren't a fighter, I lean back and laugh because guess what? You being here, man, is testimony to you fighting the battle and winning. There's a glass on the table, they say it's gonna ease all my pain,And there's a glass on the table, they say it's gonna ease all my painBut I drink it down, an' the next day I feel the sameTonight, I received the best birthday gift ever. E-V-E-R. My friend took me on a surprise birthday excursion. It begin with a brilliant dinner in a cozy French fashionista bistro in the West Village. After dinner, we headed down to the Village Theater where we had front row seats to "Love, Janis," the off-broadway production of Janis Joplin's life. If you know me at all, you know that I worship Janis. Somewhere along the line, she and I connected and have been having a love affair ever since. Gimme whiskey, gimme bourbon, give me gin Oh, gimme whiskey, give me bourbon, gimme gin'Cause it don't matter what I'm drinkin', Lord, as long as it drown this sorrow I'm inJanis makes my heart ache. To listen is one thing, to watch footage of her, another. She was two totally different people. And she is incredible testimony to the struggle that life is. She reminds me of myself, if I can be so bold as to draw a comparision, because she is this mess of a person. Raw, emotionally twisted and overflowing, using everything she can get her hands on to dull the pain. To savor a few moments of numbness. Serenity through mind alteration. And emoting regardless of pain. Emoting for the world because she has to, because it's something she needs to do. And she loves her parents and she wants to make them proud and do what's expected, but first, she has to chase her dreams. For her peace of mind. To stop the pain. Yank the tree by its roots. I start drinking Friday, I start drinking Friday nightLord, I start drinking Friday, start drinking Friday nightBut then I wake up on Sunday, child, there ain't nothin' that's rightBut Janis learned as I did, to her disappointment I presume, that no amount of booze and drugs can numb the pain of life. No amount of fame and adoration can fill up the emptiness that we feel at times or substitute for the love that our species craves. Acceptance doesn't come with vast record sales and sold out concerts, full cocktails and loaded spikes. It can't be found in a pill or with Mr. Right Now. Acceptance comes from within, from growing up. My man he left me, child, he left me hereYeah, my good man left me, went away and left me hereLord, I'm feelin' lowdown, just give me another glass of beer People handle life's struggles in a various ways. Shutting down, overcompensating, settling, or succombing. I hear hard luck stories everyday. I've lived hard luck times. I'm living one now. It fucking sucks. But I'm not going to sit around and whine about it. I'm not waiting for a knight to show up and fix it for me (although, I'd be open to that). People are going to fuck you over in life, remember, this combat and everyone is fighting to survive. You are going to get hurt. You are going to get past the hurt. What good can drinkin' do, what good can drinkin' do?Well, I drink all night but the next day I still feel blue! Not everyone is going to grab the brass ring, but trying, well, pretty momma and sweet talkin' daddy, that's half the fun. Did I mention it's almost my birthday?
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