Regardless of the fact that I had a great weekend, I can�t shake this feeling of unhappiness and uncertainty.

I went on my annual canoe trip, the one where I almost died last year, and it was great It�s just so amazing to get out of the city and onto a river and smell the summertime in the air and listen to the sounds of nature.

It was also amazing to road trip down to the river in a car. To stay in a home and walk from room to room. To walk barefoot on grass again. To drive on back roads and adjust my eyes to the lush greens.

I thought about that when I returned to the City and it made me melancholy.

I am stuck at this bump on this road of my life. I need to make a move and financially I can�t and emotionally it is fucking me up. I am just�unhappy.

I am sick and tired of dealing with my situation. I just want it to stop.

I don�t want to talk about it with people I know who have no idea what the fuck is going down with me and think they can help when they've never been in a precarious spot like I am in now.

I�m twentyfuckingeight. Twentyfuckingeight and my life is a fucking mess. I have no direction, no passion right now, no goals and majorfuckingproblems.

Do you know what I thought I would be like at twentyfuckingeight? I thought I would be done. Settled. I thought I would have a career and married. I thought it was all over by twentyfuckingeight. All of the angst and the uncertainty and the stress, done, because twentyfuckingeight is an adult and adults don�t have problems, right? Teenagers have problems and mainly those problems are their own parents. So once I am twentyfuckingeight, I won�t have to deal with my parents so there shouldn�t be any problems, right?

Wrong. Wrongwrongwrongwrongwrong.

I was so wrong, it�s almost funny now. I was so na�ve.

I also thought I would never live to 28. Which is a whole other story.

So here I sit.

T-I-R-E-D. I�m too fucking tired to even try to help myself right now. I just want to curl into the fetal position indefinitely.

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