This weekend was F-U-N.

So Friday, after a huge headache of a workday, I traveled three hours to meet my family and celebrate my parent�s 40th anniversary. We had a blast and as I drained a bottle of red wine with dinner, I started to lose the headache.

My TMJ is back and now I�ve been getting these insane migraines. I�ve never gotten headaches before but these are so insane. I guess I wake up with them from clenching my jaw all night. I need to call my doctor again and tell her that it started again and go back on the muscle relaxers, but initiating a conversation with my doctor about this will lead to the general talk of stress in my life and who wants to talk about it? I know that it�s too much and creating health problems. I know what the solution is and I�m working on it.

So for now, I am dealing with the headaches. And eating a shitload of Advil.

*~*

After dinner on Friday, my brother and I went to the bar across the street for drinks. After making fun of each other, making fart noises at the table, mocking the other patrons of the bar and in my case, ordering lame girlie drinks with my beers, and engaging in herbal-related activity, we headed home early, around 1am, with good buzzes tied on.

The entire taxi ride home, I had to keep poking my brother in the arm to wake him up. He was doing the head bob. And then he�d jerk up and mumble in coherently, �who�s tending the bar!?� or �where�s Elvis playing tonight.� You know, normal thought processes.

When we arrived back to our parent�s place, the whole block was awake thanks to the moaner that the lawyer downstairs from us is dating. Initially, I thought someone was being gutted with a machete, and then, a few minutes later, I tiptoed closer to their window in my Magnum P.I. fashion and realized what was going down � excuse the pun. I mean, this shit was RIDICULOUS. The chick was obviously putting on a show. So I sat on the steps and smoked a cigarette until they finished. It was superb performance. I rehashed it for my parents the following day. They were disappointed to have slept through it.

Shortly after the climax, the block quieted down, and my brother went to check out our friend�s places to see if there was any late-night action going on. I decided to call it a night and go to bed. Apparently, late-night was alive and kickin� because the kids were all up making margherita�s at the newly returned honeymooner�s, in the loudest blender known to mankind, until 4:30 am. Note to self: Buy the newlywed�s a silent blender for wedding gift.

We all spent Saturday on the beach, and had to call it an early day to prepare for the big party on Saturday night.

Every year, F.�s family has an enormous party to celebrate this basically made up holiday at the shore called Night in Venice. This holiday involves a massive, themed-boat parade of over 100 boats, a beauty pageant for Miss Night in Venice and numerous town activities.

Here�s what this means to me and my friends: massive drinking and drugging for 10 or more hours, gluttonous eating and a huge competition among our group for best outfit. Generally something outrageous happens this night: like the time when I accidentally dosed myself with 7 plus tabs of acid and F.�s mom unknowingly shoved a Cookiepuss in my face asking me if I wanted some or the time Menzer jumped off the dock into the bay, not once, not twice, but yes folks, THREE TIMES because we loved it so much.

So why should this year be any different? Here�s what went down, in brief:

-Toastgirl and I reminisced about how year after year the owner of the beach grill we worked at would try to goad me into entering the Miss Night in Venice pageant with them as my sponsor. I would run and hide from this (i.e. � pretend to wait on a table). The she would ask Toastgirl, but I think she stood at the toaster with her poker face and kept throwing bread in, fully ignoring the woman until she walked away � usually to find me again.

- R. this hanger-oner in the group, who is being cut off, basically pissed everyone off. He�s lucky he didn�t get the shit kicked out of him. No one is quite clear why he didn�t. In the process of the evening: he told the host to get out of �his seat,� called two of our friends dumb for owning landscaping company�s, was inappropriate to just about every girl on-site, including a very inappropriate instance when he caught me coming out of a deserted area and tackled me, whispering icky things in my ear as I tried to get away. Ick. I don�t even want to think about it.

- I did a series of tragically awful shots that at one point, I had to spit out into the bay because it was so bad.

- Our friend D. got loaded and took off with his ex-GF, leaving us to entertain his date for the evening.

- We drank 10 cases of beer, among 15 of us core drinkers. I thought that was a pretty good showing.

- Marnie2000 and her friend had like 4 beers each and were BOMBED. They took themselves out of the game at like, 11PM.

- On the way to late night, I was riding my bike as everyone walked. Toastgirl was behind me. B., one of our friends, saw me coming down the street, jumped out of the shadows and chased me at the speed of a fucking Greyhound (I kid you not � the guy was like Pre-fucking-fontaine and almost grabbed me!) for two blocks as I screamed for my life and raced my bike down a dark gravely street.

The last thing I remember was being at late-night at another location and still being harassed by R., who at this point, is ordering me to sit on his lap. Like a dog. I would also like to mention that he has a wife and child so, this is REALLY inappropriate behavior. He got up to go somewhere, probably to harass some other girl and I looked at Toastgirl. It was like 3 or 4 AM or later and we both decided we were leaving. Personally, I could have stayed and drank but I could not stand another minute of the constant annoyance known as R. and I didn�t want to be left with him by any means. Dude, the guy�s psycho! So TG told me that no one was looking and within about 2 seconds I jumped up and ran out of the front door of the house, grabbed my bike and rode like the wind to my home.

I had nightmares that night that R. knifed me and murdered my family. I am definitely thinking he needs to be cut off.

More to come�

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