Resuming my life has proven more challenging than anticipated. I try to maintain my focus and composure, but find myself staring off into space frequently. I walk the streets of Manhattan with no purpose, sometimes I am surprised to find myself moving down a sidewalk and I stop to find out where I am. I stare blankly at the salad bars at lunchtime until someone comes over and asks if they can help me, and I don�t hear them until the second time they ask.

I find myself thinking constantly about what I�d like to say about my friend�s husband at a service, running through copy in my head � recollecting stories and then distracted by the faces and stories shared with my classmates from college and other friends who are also missing.

It was easier when I was searching because I was busy and not stopping. But now, back at work, I can�t find any relevance in my former life and I feel like a shell of the person I was.

I don�t cry or feel sad, I feel confused and lost. I�m not sure where to go from here, what to do to regain consciousness, what I could be doing that would be helpful.

Maybe I feel numb. I don�t know what this is. But in the back of my head, I envision another attack to come, in another American city and I know in my heart that I will be experiencing more loss as I have friends all over the states and I just want that stopped before it happens.

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