Note to self: After experiencing terrorist attacks resulting in assumed death of immediate friends, do not resume life with war-obsessed friends and watch "Red Dawn" on DVD with Surround Sound at 4AM while fucked up.

I appreciate my boys who are super-overprotective who mean well by telling me that what I've seen and been through is awful, but just the same, they are happy I wasn't in the attacked buildings. They mean well. But it isn't reassuring when my mind is somewhat wishing it had been me in that building rather than my friends, because I feel convinced that I would have escaped. I have this guilt, that it would have been better to have been me in those buildings, since I am unattached and would be a simpler person to lay to rest. I know that's totally fucked up, but the thought has crossed my mind.

I think it's good that they are letting tourists down to Ground Zero. I think it's important for every American to see the devastation that we have been dealt. I want everyone to be sad and angry because that means we'll lose our softness, a result of our innocence here. Take a good look and be pissed off and remember that when you start to feel badly for the throats of the guilty that we will slit during this war. Remember that someone must pay for financing and training men to be messengers of evil. Remember that 19 men took the lives of more than 2500 civilians that that 190 additional suspects are running freely through our country, statistically showing that that 10 times the damage done in NY, DC and PA can be wreaked elsewhere in this country.

Always be on guard. We can never be comfortable again. We must continue to live our lives and not justify nor support hate against races or creeds, but we must be aware. We must also trust in our government and our armed forces to do the right thing.

I understand that this could be another Vietnam. I believe that our President and his advisers are acting smartly and judiciously. I also understand that we never committed to our foreign policy before. We supported here and there but we pulled out when it started to get ugly. We are so afraid of Vietnam. I am afraid of Vietnam.

I don't want soldiers to die, soldiers in my own family, but I also don't want hordes of unarmed and unassuming civilians to die and that is the crisis we face.

I have always supported peace, but that's because up until 9/11 I've lived among peace. Peace has been attacked and violated and it is up to us to reestablish peace for our country.

I beseech the protesters of war to rethink their position and understand that only by wiping the world of the evil forces attacking us, can we resume the peaceful lives we lived.

And if you cannot accept this position, I urge you to look at Ground Zero and witness for yourself the grand scale upon which our peaceful lives have been destroyed.

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