*Drum Roll Please*

Today, I took the first step toward financial stability, with the help of my almost-attorney who also is a DLer.

(I'm cheering, can you hear me?)

I have ignored my situation for several years and because of that, have created an undesirable financial situation for myself. That situation, was addressed in one small step today, mainly because I thought I was going to jail.

Frankly, as I told my almost-attorney, I *cannot* go to jail and be someone's bitch. To start with, girl-on-girl action isn't my personal preference to start with and not to be mean - but have you seen some of the women in jail these days?!? Good Grief!

I wouldn't last an hour in jail.

But I'm not going to jail.

(Cheering again!!!)

Basically, I can be out of debt by spring, if I create a tight budget and abide by it. That last part is the bizatch.

Over the next two months, I have trips to Ireland and Vegas booked and in the Spring, I am supposed to be going to The Delano in South Beach and Amsterdam - both for bachelorettes. On top of that, I have at least four wedding gifts to buy.

I'm not sure how I will swing this, but somehow, I think it will all work out.

In the meantime, I've been brainstorming some ways to come up with extra cash:

1) Prostitution. Probably not going to work because I am not free with the love.

2) Get Married. Lots of gifts and CASH. I could register for the same stuff my friends registered for and re-gift my gifts for them!

3) Marry an Illegal Alien for cash. Not too appealing based on my (lack of) feeling for Gerard Depardeau. Not mention how disappointed my parents would be when I became a divorcee.

4) Get knocked up. Do you know that healthy white babies can go for up to 100K on the adoption black market?!? It's true folks, people want babies! They'll pay tooth and nail! But do I really want to stop drinking and smoking for 9 months?

5) Harvest eggs. I don't know, the idea that one of my kids could be walking around in 20-years and unknowingly hook-up with another one of my kids is a little too freaky for me.

6) Write an international best-seller with studio options. Possible. But not in my timeframe.

7) Ingratiate myself to a Doris Duke-type and hope she/he kicks the bucket, fast. I could try to do this anyway. I'll keep this one.

8) Collaborate with Dr. Dre and release an album. Listen, if this guy can make a phenomenon out of a white kid named Marshall Mathers, I could be HUGE. Pyrotechnics, hook me up to cables, I'll have a rib removed - WHATEVER - I'll come out swingin' and make some COIN! YEAH BITCH! Shizzle *MY* Nizzle!

9) Find and patent the cure for cancer. This may take some time. I'll shelve this.

10) Run for public office. Between campaign contributions and lobby money, I'd be SET UP! Unfortunately, my history of employed cleaning ladies alone would be political suicide.

So until one of these things pans out, don't expect any gifts.

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