8:48 p.m. | 2002-02-11

And the funk continues. At this point, I've chalked it up to PMS.

Today I watched a newspaper blow around from my windowed office up in a New York skyscraper and it made me cry. I wondered if that newspaper was debris blown up from Ground Zero. I wondered if someone I knew had taken it to work exactly 5 months ago today. I wondered where the hand was that had been clutching it.

The only laugh I had today was from Cubiclegirl who got herself all riled up today. I mean, I don't mean to laugh, but the rant was funny. She took on the entire Catholic Church and most of society. I enjoyed that.

I made fun of R. Kelly for a while, after I tried and found him guilty in my mind, just for being a filthy pig. Go bone your wife you filthy animal.

I pondered the rising incidence of meth use in this country, thank you New York Times. Then I had to laugh at ABC's reporting of "Ecstacy: The New Cocaine?" If you haven't seen this report I highly recommend you check their website. I particularly enjoyed the "warning signs that your child is on ecstacy" - including, empty water bottles in the back of the child's car. Empty Water Bottles!!!! Whoa, someone call D.A.R.E. Oh, shoot, that's right...

That one was a good one.

I pondered the brilliance behind the Bush family strategy of always hiring the most evil person you can find to be your #2 guy. Almost genius really. Everyone becomes so consumed with the fact that the #2 is an evil mastermind that they forget how retarded the Bush leader is. I'd like to see a Celebrity Deathmatch between Cheney and Baker. That would really be a toss up. One old and one in ill health, both genius and ruthless.

I used to be afraid of sharks, but now I've decided I fear Baker, Cheney and sharks - in that order.

Talk to me about Axis of Evil, Mr. President. You might want to check your backyard, buddy.

I pondered the brilliance of Bush's Enron papers being tied up in his father's library and I wondered which #2 dreamed up that slice of genius. It really is brilliant, hiding them in limbo in that Presidential library instead of the State of Texas facilities where they belonged.

I think if you live in California and your electricity bill is late, you should say you accidentally sent them to the Reagan library, and apologize to the energy bigwigs and the President but explain, they know the protocol, those documents could be held up for at LEAST 90 days. Honest mistake...

I miss Clinton. The Enron thing is such a bore. All these lame Texans going to church and taking the fifth. It's all so civilized. Give me a Starr Report. Talk to me about Gap dresses and cigars. At least then I had headlines screaming the words "SEX" and "THONG." Who wants to read about shredding and listen to accountants reword the same 2 statements 50 times a day?

What is wrong with this picture? I mean, even Charlie Sheen is settling down!

And then the ultimate sign that the world is coming to an end: Creed on the cover of Rolling Stone. Is there no justice? Aren't the words Christian and Rock oxymorons? I'd love to sneak into their dressing rooms before a show and hang all of their crucifixes upside down. I'm sick, I know. And I'm Catholic. But I just can't help myself. Scott Stapp is just in my face with his Jesus-ness. WWJD, Scott? He'd give it all away to the underdog, probably gays with AIDS. Invite them into his inner circle. I wonder if Creed has a charity or gives blocks of tickets to CYO's in each tour market? Doubt it...

I think that about covers it for today.

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