I'm just beat, man.

I spend crazy days at work trying to turn water into wine. On top of that, I've been trying to keep my shit together as a result of this death so close to my heart.

The service is scheduled for tomorrow, when I will be in a plane flying halfway across the country for business.

That thought plagued me when I first received the news, and I could hear that haunting voice of my 12th grade relgion teacher, a priest, who once said to my class, "There aren't many things you HAVE to go to. But funerals...you have to go to a funeral. No matter where you are, nothing is more important than going to a funeral."

I researched switching flights but it seemed near impossible to get another one from my hometown as I have no car anymore and my parents both work. And then I found out they are only having a prayer service and not a mass.

My parents thought it was a given that I wouldn't make it. They thought I was crazy to reschedule but I have this Catholic guilt...

Anyway, I'm not going. My parents have been trying to explain to me that "Dad" and the rest of the family completely understand.

My parents walked up the little hill to their home last night; they brought Dad a ham. That's what people do outside New York and one of the things I miss. Nobody brought me a ham after September 11th. I did receive an orchid, but I digress...

They brought "Dad" a ham and the girls and their grown families were all there with "Dad" and their sons were on their way - one flying in from his home in Switzerland.

My parents said "Dad" is doing well, that he didn't seem surprised by the death of his wife for 56 years. But I worry. What do you do when your spouse of 56 years passes away? I mean MY GOD. I can't even imagine.

The kids (who are really adults) are all doing well. My Dad said that "Dad" had always wanted to travel, but "Mom" never wanted to, so he suggested to Dad that he take this opportunity to go visit his son in Switzerland and the other children who are spread out across the U.S.

I thought that was a nice idea. "Mom's" gone and that's sad, but "Dad" has a whole new life opening up in his 80's. I like that idea.

I guess that's it for now. I have to pack and freak out now about flying the route that was hijacked 6 months ago.

Watch me have a heart attack on the plane. That would be such a poetic ending to my bad luck streak.

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