I haven't been updating because I've been suicidal for the last fews day and there is nothing I hate more than people with suicidal entries.

I find the doom and gloom, so played. Pathetic even.

So I rode it out. Today, I recalled an old interview I read with Angelina Jolie. She spoke about her dark period when she sought a hit man to kill her. At the time, I thought that was crazy. Who tracks down a killer-for-hire in some underground way to take yourself OUT? It's just, twisted.

Today I realized it's the most logical thing you could do. Suicide is twisted. I mean first of all, when it comes down to it, I am simply not capable of ending my own life. Second, based on my case history, I would probably end up not dying -like that guy who stopped traffic a few months ago to leap from the Brooklyn Bridge - AND LIVED!!!!

*THAT'S* the kind of shit that happens to me. Maimed for life or something equally foolish, so I could be trapped in my paralyzed body to rethink my stupidity for years to come. Wearing Liz Claiborne knitwear.

And then I remembered the hit man idea. So, I asked a few people if they would do it for me. My friend A. said he would, so I asked him how and he said he'd shoot me in the head. I asked him if he ever fired a weapon before and he *claimed* he has, but he's a huge liar and all I could see were images of James Brady, so I crossed him off the list.

Gingi outright refused based on some *alleged* religious reason, which she then proved false by citing the current Middle East bloodbath.

I finally found a girl at work who said she would do it. I felt a little better and headed out to a black tie dinner.

And then it happened.

In black tie gear in the middle of Times Square, surrounded by work associates, the heel of my best slingbacks got caught in a grate in the sidewalk.

I was stuck.

I groaned and people were laughing and I was pulling and pulling to get it out and suddenly it hit me and I started laughing.

I can't die! If I die, who else is going to have this shit happen to them and tell people about it?!

Who else...who ELSE I ask you, can shoulder the responsibility of having the most ridiculous things you have ever heard of...things that if you saw in a movie you would outwardly groan for the heroine and dispend your belief that this could ever happen in real life?

Who can shoulder this mockery and laugh about it as it's happening?

I'm going to have to say that's me.

Yes, I am the girl who slips in posh resturants.

I am the girl who rips her skirt via the slit all the way to the waistband and has to wear her raincoat at work the remainder of the day.

I break heels mid-flirt with strangers on the street. I almost died in waist-high water. And then won an award for it.

I crash into walls and fall through cheap closet doors.

I "accidentally" break pool cues over my knees.

This is who I am. I'm going to have to live with it.

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