It's okay. I'm here. Not going yet. Just living my life.

I've been getting these frantic calls lately. "Partygirl! Are you in NYC? Where have you been? I need to see you!"

"I'm here," I reassure them. "It's okay." I nurture them. I use my voice to stroke them, assuage their fears, and my laughter calms them. I promise them time. We make plans.

This is my role in life. I am here for my friends, family, everyone I brush up against. I will lend a sympathetic ear when they tell me their woes. I will smile. I will make them laugh. When they leave me at the end of an evening, they are satiated.

We all have a role in life. Some people are the antagonizers, but we love them anyway. Some are the beautiful people; we sit next to them and admire. Some are the quiet and sweet; we treasure them, gently. Some are the wallflowers; we embrace them and nudge them to join the party.

I don't mind my role. Sometimes it tires me, like last night when I spanned this island thrice meeting people and keeping promises. But when you think about it, I am lucky to have all of these friends in my life.

There are people who strive to be exclusive with another person in their life. And then there are the rest of us. There are some people who can do both. I may be one of those people, I don't know yet.

Here's what I know. I am my own person. It's pointless for me to measure myself against you and vice versa. Everything that I want out of life will come to me, in some form or another, at some time. I will experience love and all of the magic that comes with it, but it will not be a conventional form of love. I define my own parameters. I do not want what you want.

But I DO want.

Relax. We will all love. You are protecting yourself. Stop it. Allow yourself to breathe easily. Sit back. Love will come. In the meantime, love yourself. Love what you have. Love, life.

You are beautiful. Don't listen to that voice in your head that may make you doubt yourself. I see your beauty all around me. It's blinding.

previous next