17:07:29 | 2000-11-10


Let's talk about life today.

I have a friend who once told me that she thinks life is solely about relationships. Not about academia, or professional success, or world domination, or leaving a legacy, but rather, finding your way with another person. Finding a companion and if you are lucky, a soulmate.

She believes that living a full life means finding that person and making a relationship work. Living as a unit and working out differences, growing together and evolving. She doesn't limit this to a sexual partnership though, she includes all relationships: friendships and chance meetings, etc. I like this idea. Although, at the time, it discouraged me because I really hadn't found that "preeminent" relationship and I wondered it that meant that I really hadn't lived.

Since then, I've kind of adapted that theory, to include the people I've come into contact with in my life. Some of them I changed forever, and many of them have changed me. I think a great deal about the people I meet by chance, because I meet many incredible people by chance and I wonder who I would be if I had never met them.

I think everything happens for a reason. And I try to be open to opportunity. Sometimes, I'm too open and other times I shut down. Never a happy medium with me. Recognizing this, I think I have been doing pretty good, with what I got. Although, I could always do better.

I am guilty, as I assume others are, of believing my own hype. Getting sucked into my own bubble. And forgetting, that there is a bigger picture. Sitting in my small world, in my fashionable office that I come into everyday and speaking to the same talented people I've known for a couple of years and keeping in touch with the same fun friends I see regularly. It's often not until something sharp comes and taps on my bubble, that I start to think about the bigger picture.

That picture includes people outside of my world, who aren't lounging with rockstars and celebrities, but are right now wondering how the hell they are going to afford a turkey to feed their family for Thanksgiving this year or pay their rent so they have a roof over their head for Christmas.

I am thankful that I have these things, but most importantly, I am thankful that there are a select group of good people in this world who are not like me - stuck in this bubble - who are thinking about those disadvantaged people and actively working to provide for them.

Because I know, that if the dice had rolled on a different number, I could living in Section 8 housing, begging for an opportunity. Or I could be sick, fighting for my life.

And this is what I began to think about today, two weeks before Thanksgiving, as I sat in my comfortable chair in my comfortable office when a friend called.

My friend called to tell me that she has breast cancer, and that it's malignant and that she is going to have a masectomy. And I thought she was kidding.

What do you say to a girl in her 30's on top of the world, who handles some of today's hottest bands when she calls to tell you that she's losing a body part next week? When she tells you that she hasn't had a chance to call you because she's been seeking second and third and fourth and fifth and sixth opinions on her life for the last week?

I felt cold and then I felt angry at myself for even feeling when my friend, well God knows how my friend has been feeling for a whole week??

How could this be, I was thinking? Girls in their 30's don't get breast cancer!!? No way. Girls in their 30's can't die from terminal diseases!

And it was almost funny because she was thinking the same thing. She said, can you believe some doctor was telling me my "best chance of survival??" As if! And she's telling me that she's not getting chemo, asking, "Partygirl! do you have any idea how long it took me to grow my hair?!?"

This is where Partygirl had to step in. I told her she's getting the chemo. I named all the celebs that really have no hair and wear wigs. And I told her, we are cutting her hair. And she is getting a wig and I don't want to hear it.

Prior to this comment, I made one crack, saying, "Hey, what can I do for you? Is there anyone famous you want to meet? Do you want me to sign you up for the Make-a-Wish foundation? You name him - I'll get the celebrity there." This is actually funny, since she used to be an agent at CAA and knows so many more celebs than I do...but it was all I could think to do but make her laugh.

We made plans to hang out tomorrow. And I told her, confidently, "you're going to be fine. I am sure of it. We are going to take care of this. And that's that. I don't want to hear any doubts."

But do you know what? As strong as I am. I can't fight it for her. Her bubble has been broken and her mortality is in question. And as stubborn as I am and as persuasive and even, yes, connected - there's nothing I can do to heal her.

Nothing for me to do but stand by with a smile. And be strong. And confident. And even be cocky.

And now I sit here dumbfounded at life. I am preparing for this friend, who with the birth of her baby will bring hope and joy and life into the world and I am honored to have been chosen to hold her hand and scream and cry and then smile with her on that upcoming day, but my perception has been altered, as I stretch out my other hand to a friend equally in need and I prepare to fight to hold onto her as we, together, stare death down and I allow her to scream and cry as I smile for her as I hide my tears inside.

And I sit here and I think, life, is a crazy thing. And it's a crying shame to waste any of it.

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