The best story of the weekend goes hands down to Toastress, who desparate to put an end to the 4 day bender of college-esque binge drinking that was going on, went upstairs to the hide in a spare bedroom because it was so early in the evening, she couldn't go home because her parents would still be up and her shitcanned ass would ave to deal with that.

She's 25.

But allow me to explain, in her defense. We had been drinking since the afternoon, I mean what else is there to do when it's pouring for 3 days? And Maryjane was flying around faster than you can hand jive. F. was pacing 4 beers an hour since 2PM that day and I felt threatened in my sobriety when she and I walked into the bar (almost) sober at 5:15PM, so I ordered up 2 shots of jager and 2 beers to start it up. I hate jager. We did another round of them. Somebody ordered up some other crappy shots. I chug the two beers I have and move on to Long Island Ice Tea's.

By 8:30PM people wanted to regroup, so we all went back to F. and E's house. To drink some more. And to hang with Maryjane.

None of us had really eaten and this is where it gets foggy. Frog's shore boy dropped the hint that he'd like a tour of the house, so I happily obliged. I love touring.

We hit the second floor and chatted with Frog's roommate who was waiting to use the bathroom. We popped in each of the rooms and then reached the 3rd spare bedroom, when I lead the way into the dark room, my eyes circling for the lightswitch. Slowly, they grew accustomed to the dark and what did I see along the wall to the right of the doorway, but a body pressed backwards against the wall, hands gripping the flat plane in an effort to become invisible.

"Toastress?" I stage whispered. "Toastress, is that you?" I asked.

"Toastress, what are you *doing*?" Shore boy asked behind me.

Suddenly I found the lightswitch. She was now gripping the papered walls in full sight - standing like she is invisible. I double over. I can hardly breathe. She starts laughing, I think, or maybe it was just the sound of my own laughter that I heard...

She was hiding, she said, as she had been for about 45 minutes up to this point. "And she would have gotten away with it too if it hadn't been for those meddling kids!" Too wasted to be with the group who are a bunch of 14-year-old peer pressurers, she was hiding in plain sight to avoid being pushed a beer. Not in the closet. Not on the floor. AGAINST THE WALL, STANDING UP. I cannot stress this enough. It's the funniest thing I have seen in years.

As her punishment, we made her come up to the attic with us and have a beer and some smoke.

Today she found that she has pneumonia. She had bronchitis last week and left it untreated...the doctor said he couldn't believe that she hadn't collapsed in this condition. All I kept thinking when she said that was, if she had collapsed, I probably wouldn't have noticed her passed out on the floor.

Hiding in plain sight against a wall, people. That's what a rainy Labor Day weekend can do to an otherwise Varsity Player. I am so glad I witnessed it.

Wallflower

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