I am about to freak out.

An opportunity just came my way that is *toogoodtobetrue* and it's something I've wanted my whole life and now when I am comfortable and chugging along in my mildly successful life it just knocked on my door and asked if I want to come and play on that team instead of the team I signed up for. This, following the raise I got on Thursday. This makes me slightly sick, but I think we know which way I'm leaning.

I have a new business meeting tomorrow and that's making me kind of sick too. Not too sick, because I know I can pull it off, just semi-sick because during rehearsals today the VP on the team turned to me and said "I really need to you to pull this off because *the boss* really, REALLY wants to win this one." Now that I read that over, it's making me a little more sick than initially anticipated. However, because I am innately a sick individual, I'm going to use that to push myself futher, and I will win. I won't fuck up and I will win. I will close this deal and I will win. Okay, that's a little too new-agey-queer for me, so I'm going to stop this little online therapy session. I'm freaking myself out here.

And amidst the opportunity, and the new business, how am I getting my day-to-day work done? Certainly not by sorting out my life on diaryland...Can't wait to tell my boss I have to leave early on Wednesday night to get my hair highlighted. She's REALLY going to enjoy that one.

I'm also freaking out because I'm flying to a random desert island on Thursday to be with friends I haven't hung out with in about five years. That idea doesn't make me as anxious as the whole traveling situation does...This is a very complicated destination and I need to work out and reserve in advance a cab from the airport to a ferry and a spot on the ferry to the island. The ferry only runs certain hours and how in hell do I project when I get on this damn ferry??? I'm not very good at this stuff and THIS is freaking me out. What happens if I am stranded in Hilton Head and don't know anyone and can't get to the alleged island? What am I going to do? Then on the return trip, I have to do stand-by on Sunday because I could only get a ticket for Tuesday morning and I can't take that much time from work. What if I can't get out on Sunday, then what? Why can't my life work WITH me, rather than against me?

This would all be so much easier if I had someone to travel with. I hate doing this alone. Something always goes wrong when I do these things alone. I'm such a freak. I suppose this is a result of the famous Austria debacle, which I lived through, thanks to the grace of God, a deaf Angel and the fact that when push comes to shove I can think fast. Or act quickly. Actually, my parents thought fast an acted quickly on that one, but I do get credit for manuevering around the foreign town and getting to where I needed to be to pick up the money. Thinking about that debacle is truly making me sick. I can't even think about that disaster until I return. Now, Im still thinking about that debacle and the epiphany. I'm really in not state of mind to handle another life epiphany. Why, why, WWWWWWWHHHHHHHYYYYYYY do they always come during a breakdown?!? Just when you've totally lost your shit and have nothing left to lose you have this god damn fucking epiphany that just changes your life. I feel an epiphany coming on with this trip and I'm not all that happy about it. Because epiphany comes hand-in hand with disaster, fear and heartache.

This travel nightmare is compounded by my brother telling me that I am bound to make an ass out of myself at this society wedding. Dear GOD, please let me be normal. Really, one can only hope that I don't do anything mortifying. I really need to make sure I don't speak with anyone I don't know. That's also key.

I guess I need to just relax and believe this is all going to work out. It's all going to work out.

Breathing....

Everything is going to be much better when I am back on Sunday. Or whenever I can get back*.

I hate traveling alone.

I hope I get mildly hit by a bus or otherwise minorly injured and can't go. One can only hope.

Now I'm freaking out again. I have to get out of here.

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