Here's a funny thing.

I'm sitting here, after having seen Stand, the best band ever. They got me over the hump of heinous green monkeys that were swinging in my stomach after this weekend of really bad behavior at the wedding.

All day I felt sick, having flashbacks of stupid shit I did and said.

And here I am, thinking about this friend. Fuck you Menzer, for haunting me. Fuck you for being on my mind. Fuck you for affecting me like this. Fuck you for making me worry about our other friends and your family. Fuck you for making me think about your last minutes before your soul fled your body.

Motherfucking fuck you, you fucking asshole.

Fuck you for leaving us here. Fuck you for making that kind of impact on my padded, protected life.

Fuck you for not sticking it out.

Fuck you for not being around to make fun of me when I do something stupid again. Fuck you for not staying to see my next haircolor. Fuck you for never coming to see my apartment. Fuck you, man.

Fuck you for every time I drink too much and get the spins and get sick and can't sleep and have nothing to do but sit alone in the darkness of my bedroom staring at the white walls and seeing you laugh at me. Fuck you every time I take a hit and see you motioning to pass the bowl.

Fuck you for everytime I see one of our mutual friends and don't know what to say. Fuck you for everytime I hear you scream, "Dude!"

Fuck you for not finishing what you started. Fuck you for adding to the people who have left me here, to fend for myself. Fuck you for leaving Toastgirl like that. Fuck you for leaving all of us like that.

Fuck you and fuck your junk. Fuck that girl. Fuck that piece of shit dealer. Fuck that judge who fucked you when you wanted help.

Fuck you for lying to me. Fuck you for not calling when I am fucking listed.

Screw you man. Screw you for fucking with my head and nagging me in the back of my mind when I want some fucking peace.

Fuck you for leaving me here to pick up your pieces.

And take of my aunt up there. Dick.

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