I try not to focus much on the war coverage, although my job requires me to monitor it daily. How's that for an oxymoron?

I filter as much of it as possible, except when it gets really personal, like the POW's who are being taped by Iraqi television.

Sunday morning brought a flurry of early panic with the news of the POW executions. A friend of mine is in the 3rd Infantry, so the calls came about the time that the news broke on Meet the Press and I sat in front of my friend's television and watched with my phone in my hand, waiting for the phone tree to trigger and hear from my friend's family if they got the visit from the Pentagon.

Lucky, they didn't get the visit.

Working in the news business has sucked since 2001. It's damn hard to monitor and package news when your loss is a part of the story. It's really made me grow up emotionally over the last few years and it's taught me to separate my feelings in order to do a job. I guess it helps that I've always been a compartmentalizer, but it's still a challenge.

I guess my office is used to my outbursts that occur every so often, when I face my computer and pound my fist down on my desk in outrage, screaming, "you're damn right you have no business showing that footage and I don't give a DAMN that 63% of your viewers polled online voted to see the execution! What about the families, god damn it!? What about basic human decency! Is there no high road left to take?! Is a human life worth a temporary spike in ratings!? Is that all it's worth?! MY GOD - that's someone's wife or son or lover! THINK, people, THINK."

These moments come and they pass. My co-workers remain silent or sometimes they nod in agreement. I suppose they are desensitized at this point, as well.

Where I come from, the boys are often career military. Not just ROTC, they are lifers. I've got more than a few over there.

So do many towns around America. Life is hard.

I spend my days focusing on the microcosm I live in. Funny things that happen to me and thinking of ways to improve myself and spending time with boys that I like but am too cowardly to open up to for fear of rejection.

The usual. I'm thinking of stepping it up, though. I'm thinking about putting myself out there this week or next.

Why the hell not? We're at war, I'm not getting anywhere living this JV existence. Why not just pull the pin and toss this crush grenade?

After all, I love the smell of napalm in the morning.

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