Today was the day when I realized that every aspect of my life is in the shitter.

I've already documented the physical aspect of my being. I've inferred to my emotional well being. Today, I completed the hattrick with a major financial blow and watched my little house of cards flutter and fall in my mind's eye.

There were some tears. Not for me but for my parents who are tied into this mess.

There's something I've never wanted to hear from my parents and that is an apology.

My parents have provided for me for all my life in a selfless way. They pushed me to strive for a life that exceeded theirs. The worked to offer me the best education available and devoted unlimited time to me when I struggled with specific subjects. They were involved and supportive. They always have been.

Today I learned at what cost to themselves my parents provided for me and on top of that, they apologized for it. They apologized for not being good enough. And that. That just hurt.

Hearing your parents say it wasn't enough. Well, that's just not true in this case.

And it made me cry to think that they could ever think they haven't done enough for me. It made me cry to think about what I've given them over the years - a lot of grey hairs and aggravation. I mean the hospital visits alone...there was a 10 year stretch where I ended up in the emergency room at least once a summer!

It's overwhelming.

But I'm trying to focus on one thing at a time. Tomorrow, blood tests. Then work on my financials.

Then I will sit down and write a note to my parents telling them exactly how great they are and how much I appreciate them.

In fact, I might take a stab at that note tonight. I've waited 30 years to thank them, it's senseless to wait another day.

previous next