The wedding this weekend is further evidence that no one I am friends with should be getting married. Bad behavior ensued. Here's something I learned: groomsmen in kilts = a lot of nudity. Following are a few of my favorite comments from the wedding:

"Well, I'll tell you, I put John on a schedule and told him that if I don't have a ring by Spring, that he can forget about it. Because girls, you have to put these boys on a schedule or they'll carry on like this forever."

-SJ to a speechless Partygirl about her BF John.

"LOOK AT MY MARRIED COCK!!!!!!"

- A wasted groom to his brothers, wife's parents, as he stood in front of them, holding his kilt above his head offering a full frontal view to the entire reception.

"Partygirl, I just want to you to know that even though I hung out with those loser girls in college, I'm not friends with those bitches. I mean, you were really cool in college, so you probably wouldn't even know, but those girls sucked and I know everyone they were losers."

- This freak of a girl I went to college with cornering me like 5 times at the reception.

"Ummm, excuse me, but I really wasn't that cool..."

- My reply to the freak after about the 5th time she told my I was cool and she wasn't, the last time, with her fiance commenting, "the minute I met you, I knew you were cool." Huh?

"Wow! That XXX is a great time! LOVE HER"

"That's because she's was BOMBED, she threw up twice at the reception."

- Me commenting on a friend's new wife, and my other friend breaking it down for me.

"I don't remember that."

"That's because you were a drug addict at the time."

"Oh. Right."

- Someone telling a story involving me at college and me not remembering. My friend A. reminding me why I might not remember.

"That kid is a package of FUN."

- Me, commenting on someone's fiance who had broken out in the circle on the dance floor - kicking off his shoes and imitating Riverdance.

All of this, and then I wake up this morning, start to head out the door and see my brother and one of this friends on my pullout.

My brother lives in Phillie. I live in NYC.

I'm like, "Dude, what are you doing here?" He's like, "Oh, hi. Furthur Tour. Meadowlands last night. We scheduled all our vacation days around the tour."

Will the madness ever stop?

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