Toastgirl and I are driving the fast train toward world domination by Stephen Malkmus. He is my fearless leader. Anyone who can start a song with "Jennifer dates a man in a 60's cover band" is my idol. Why, you may ask? Because Jennifer does date a man in a 60's cover band. Actually, she might also date a man in an 80's cover band. That would also be appropriate for Jennifer. And because Stephen wrote a tribute to Yul Brenner. With soundbites from the man himself. I mean, how genius is that?
I was trying to keep this on the down low, my loyalty to and love for all that is Malkmus, but Toastgirl put it out there and I had to follow suit.
*~*
On Monday night, I met gingi and Riot for an *alleged* excursion to K-mart. I think we all know that the three of us ended up in a dark bar in the lower Eastside.
For some reason, during that drinking debauchery, I was awarded 1 black Jagermister t-shirt and 1 sheet of Jagermister tattoos by the bartender. Which, of course, I needed to apply immediately to my non-tat body. With beer. Yes, I applied using beer.
Anyway, I noticed that Riot was applying the smooch tattoo to her breast area and I really felt that I needed to do the same (even though no one was going to see it except for me). So I did.
When I got home around midnight that night, I arrived just after my roommate with one of the gay boys. *Sleepover* I was slightly drunk. He was dying to rehash the two-stepping evening this weekend - horrified that we were brought there. He was like, "B crowd?" *GASP* "That's not EVEN B crowd! Listen honey, you girls know the A crowd - they are out on drugs and drunk and fucking like crazy. The B crowd is trying to get in with the A crowd while they're doing that. What you two walked into - that was the C or D gay crowd!"
I was screaming. Maybe you had to be there? He is *very* funny.
Anyway, I whipped my v-neck sweater down to show them my sexy smooch tattoo and my filthy drunk roommate flicked a lit match at my tattoo. It was out by the time it hit my skin, but it was still hot and it actually burned my flesh in between the faux pucker. So now I have a blister on my boob area. That little drunk hooker....
*~*
I also wanted to take this opportunity to mention that if you know of any web-related job openings in NYC, you should really tell Riot. She's a really good manager! And smart and fun and an enormous asset to any job! She's a FIND. Ehhhhh - You know what, fuck you, you aren't good enough for her. She's that bombastic;-)
And if you know of any really cute and smart geeky boys in New York City (and I am adamant that they live in NYC) please let me know because I am now arranging dates for the *FABULOUS* Gingi. She's really undiscovered talent in my book and I know she's not going to tell you this yourself, so I am available to broker any and all blind dates. References are a plus.
I'm also whoring myself. I've given up on the last week's love and I am moving on. If you want to be a contender, please step up to the plate. I am very immature, but I like to go out a lot and do fucked up things. No stalkers, serial killers, Republicans or anti-drug crusaders need apply.
Tune in tomorrow, I may actually have something poignant to report. But probably not.
PS - I also meant to pimp out my hottie friend Joana. She's luscious. She's a handful. And she's a handful. Who is man enough to take the exotic Joana ON? I dare you. E-mail me. NYCer's only.
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