On to less weighty subjects. I freak myself out when I write about things like yesterday's entry, so I can only imagine how you all are feeling about me.

We all have different bad experiences, but experiences only define you if you allow them to, and those cases, I've put them behind me.

Where did I grow up, inebriated asked me. I grew up in an upper middle class home, with pretty much everything provided to me. Private school education, happily married parents, deeply religious. We ate dinner together every single night until I left home when I was 18. Our neighborhood was quiet and safe, hell, it was boring as shit.

And when it's boring as shit, you work to find other ways to find trouble. Or I did.

That's why the film "Traffic" struck home so deeply for me. It really fucked me up and I know toastgirl and I both spoke about this before. But I just had to laugh outloud when after the teenage daughter went to the drug counselor and the counselor asked all the stereotypical "bad kid" questions, like:

"Problems at home?"..."No"

"Struggling in school?"..."No"

"Trouble with Peers?'..."No"

"Fight with your Boyfriend?"..."No"

You want an answer? It's called boredom. Curiousity. Not caring. Not giving a shit. Wanting to mix it up.

You think, "Well, my GPA is perfect. My boyfriend is perfect. I'm President of every club. I have a ton of friends. And I'm still unsatisfied. I want more."

Erika Christenson was so real to me that it hurt to watch. But I'm happy to say that I didn't have it nearly as bad as she did.

Suburbia is evil. It's the most fucked up place in the world. It's passivity is warped and criminal.

Suburbia offers peace and comfort. If you don't know pain and strife, then how can you be thankful for what you got? If you don't see and experience homelessness and crime, then how can you appreciate the flipside? You can't.

So you do it. You commit the crimes to see what it feels like or you look for something to make you happy because not having had it rough, you don't know that you are happy. Instead, you look for more, which in many cases, means you alter your mind with substances.

Suburbia to me, is all that is warped an evil.

Examine the location of all the school shootings. Not urban areas. Not committed by minorities. It's smart, rich, white kids. Looking for something to do. Bored, ignored, whatever.

All I can say is: parents, spend time with your children. That's the only reason I survived those crazy, reckless years. My parents ruled with a strong fist.

And I still got into a whole bunch of trouble.

*~*

It's pretty fucking hot here. The heat makes me irritable. My make-up looks like shit as soon as I put it on.

I need highlights and a serious hair cut.

I have problems.

I need rest.

Happy Cinco de Mayo to you all. I'm having a wild party. Wish you all could be there...but you can't.

I'll tell you all about it in a few days.

*kisses*

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