We here, in my apartment, are in some bad shape. Really banged up from Saturday night. That includes those of us who live here, and the others who take up residence on a semi-permanent basis.

Heathens.

We partied, and then we partied some more. I was still spinning tunes in my apartment at 6am, as the sun came up. The last of the revelers stopped short in there boogie shoes for about 20 seconds to marvel at the sun as it rose magnificently, and then resumed spinning as the day broke.

We left the apartment for a few hours in the wee morning hours to hit a neighborhood bar and spread our drunken debauchery.

Me, in straw cowgirl hat, blonde hair down and ends flipped, kicked it up in my peasant dress with the ruffled bias-cut hemline and cardigan. Funky strappy shoes with embroidered flowers.

I was a mess. I'm not usually a mess, but we can thank gingi for the puddle I became thanks to her gift of Tequila.

I don't do shots anymore. And if I were to do shots, it should NEVER be tequila. That mad concotion makes me like blind date. Wild.

I vaguely remember throwing my straw hat down on the floor of the bar and grabbing the hem of my dress on each side, pulling them up to about mid-thigh, and doing my own personal version of the Mexican hat dance right there in the crowded bar.

I remember my roommate kicking it up with me so I wasn't the only one people were gasping at, and I remember looking at her and then both of us throwing our heads back, vision of blondes, and screaming "Ya! Ya! Ya! Ya! Arriba, arriba!!!!"

I slightly remember when I dropped my full beer in the floor but kept dancing anyway, kicking the bottle out of my way. But I realy don't remember how, exactly, I slipped in my beer puddle and became totally airborn before crashing my ass down on the hardwood floor beneath me, legs straight out in front of me.

Almost like he had been waiting for it to happen, A tall, dark and handsome guy that was mad built, leapt over and when he leaned down to ask me if I was okay I tossed my hand back and laughed uncontrollably in his face. He smiled and extended his hands to help me up, and I winked and grabbed them and I leapt up and ordered him to spin me to save face.

That cowboy spinned me from one end of our bar area to the other and dipped me for good measure. I thanked him for the quick save.

Shortly after that, I needed to leave immediately, which was fine as it was already 4:30am. So a friend followed me out as I tried to appear as composed as a sassy drunk with a straw cowboy hat on can look after doing the mexican hat dance in a crowded pub, and strode past the hot, drunk guy who owns the bar.

Man, that guy is hot. I often run into him in the morning in the deli on our block. He's always unshaven and looking like the cat dragged him in, buying lots of gatorade and water and smokes at around 8am on a Tuesday. I'm usually doing the same. We don't acknowledge each other although we stand right next to each other, having separate conversations with the deli guys that each of us knows too well.

And so, my first foray into his bar, involved a massive fall while doing the mexican hat dance. Perfect.

I would feel bad about this, except that when we were going into bar, one of his own bouncers threw him out and down the stairs, yelling, "Get out and don't come back!" He shook that off and came back about 30 minutes later.

What is somewhat embarrassing, was the spill I took on those very same stairs when I left the bar, slip-sliding my way down the metal escape, making quite a racket and yelping like a beaten puppy.

My friend described me at this point, as wearing invisible rollerskates. I just could not walk. Nor stand. Without falling down.

And I found my equilibrium problem to be hilarious. The deli guys came running out of the deli to help me. It was quite a spectacle.

Somebody bought me food that we may thought was going to sober me up. A nice thought, but as soon as I walked in the door, I hid the bag in the refrigerator and got myself a beer.

We found our other roommate passed out in her room, but following the trail of BBQ Pringles into our building, in the elevator, in our hallway, in the living room, and leading up to her bedroom.

With the seal to the tube, tossed in the toilet for good measure. Peed on and not flushed. I may or may not have gone the bathroom with it in there also.

It was 6AM, and someone had given me tequila for chrissakes, what do you expect?!? Apparently I had taken a liking to the tequila, because one friend recounted that she walked into my room and found me freestyle jamming with some friends, swigging tequila from the bottle - no salt, no lime, and no chaser. Just tequila.

I woke up this morning to the most heinous clean up you could imagine. Icing from cake all over our walls. Pinata, everywhere. And the bathroom with the Pringles seal, flooded with 2 inches of sewage.

Cleaning that bathroom, hung over, has made me a new person. It was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen. I was dry heaving and had to get air every 10 minutes.

And now that everything's clean again, my body is in pain and I all I can wonder is, what the hell went down last night?

Please don't let anyone remember.

Ahhhhh, what the hell do I care, my phone's been ringing off the hook today with people thinking the same damn thing.

PS - And thanks to Joaninha for bringing her fabulousness help ring in my b-day celebration.

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