Last night I went to a celebrity birthday party, at one of New York's newest hot spots. So hot, I don't think it's even open to the public yet. So there I stood, cocktail in hand, among the trendy of New York's trendiest.

Red-lighting and vinyl right out of a Lenny Kravitz video, waitresses punked out in clothes and attitude. Some wannabe DJ-of-the-week spinning tunes that I'm sure he thought were hip but to me and the other people who are actually cool in the room, they were played out. He went retro mainstream, because he wasn't even schooled enough to go retro-deep-into-a-vein and play the vibe. But then, whaddaya expect from the world of celebrity DJ's?

The room was filled with models and modelizers, wannabe rockers, stylists, photographers (oh, didn't you get the memo - *everyone* is a photographer these days) and all the other people who do the circuit and know everyone else.

I've never been so bored in my fucking life.

Sometimes I get this reality check, usually in scenes like this, when I realize what a fucking joke it all is, and I am. It's just a joke. These people are making the pages of magazines that my friends and family read and scrutinize and they think they are living the life, but the truth is, life isn't what you see in pictures. These people aren't that cool or even that happy.

Their images fill glossy pages, but what have they done? You tell me. What have they done to be adored. To be coveted? They look cool? They have great style? Cool and style don't end wars or feed children. They don't stop a kid from shooting another in the halls of a junior high.

Because they give good party face doesn't mean they contribute anything to this world.

And for that matter, what am I contributing? In the big picture, what do I offer other than silly antics quick one-liners. A good jukebox selection.

I sat in a meeting today and heard this marketing mumbo jumbo spilling into the air around me and wondered, but how am I making the world a better place? How am I solving societies problems?

What am I doing?

You want to me to think of this and think of that, but what's the point? Who are we helping? What are we working toward? What are we all working toward?

The big picture could be a personal life, but I don't have time for one. A family, a house, a car. I can't afford any. I don't even see any around the bend.

So now what? I am working to work. Working because that's what people do. But I suddenly realized, I have nothing to work for and no desire, really, to work.

In case you were wondering, the glass is half empty. But who the fuck cares?

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