Ah yes, the VMA's. Gingi has done a fabulous job with her rundown, but it's time for the rest of the critics to chime in. Here's the e-mail rundown I've got going with my peeps; it's not pretty so right away, I'll say, I will not be held responsible for their opinions.

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From: PG

TO: Friends

Mudvayne - Punk as a commercialized publicity stunt? Isn't that ILLEGAL??

Destiny's Child - I'm a survivor for surviving that overplayed piece of crap video.

'N SYNC - Who knew Justin could be a human beatbox?

U2 - Thanks for bringing the Ramones out and not letting them say anything.

Tenacious D. - Okay, so I'm biased and obsessed with the D, but COME ON, Jack Black is Genius!!!! "that's all you're gonna get for free, biatches!!!!" and "The winner is...FOR NOW..." The only highlight of an otherwise lame night.

Moby/Eve - you owe your firstborn to Gwen Stefani, ska goddess. When I grow up, I want to be gwen Stefani....

Michael Jackson - No, I can't. It's too easy. It's like torturing a baby...hey! wait a second...!

Britney - Note to self: even though you're lip synching, you may want to LEARN the words to the song.

Pink - "Thanks for picking us to be the whores!" I want to slap her ass back into North Phillie. ALECIA, remember when you were just another white girl? Just checking...

And always, it's all about Mya. The only one with class on that stage last night. Oh, and Alecia Keys, an actual *GASP* singer/songwriter/musician!!!!God forbid....

I guess I should be THANKFUL that I didn't have to sit through a performance by Creed. but I'm not.

PS - I've added my friend Toastgirl on this chain, she has some good insights...

*~*

From: T.

Here are my thoughts:

Michael Jackson belongs in a mausoleum. Someone stick a scalpel in him, cuz he's done.

Same goes for you mr. backstreet boys, you're 15 minutes are over, and who dresses you idiots, stevie wonder? I mean, one's wearing a sarong, the other a sleeveless vest, just go the fuck away or back to rehab, whichever comes first.

Moby is a genius, and gwen wouldn't have had any face time if Moby hadn't let her sing on the single (as opposed to the album cut, which in my opinion, is ten times better than Gwen's rendition)

Andy Dick was ten times funnier than Jamie Fox (although the Elton John/Eminem stuff was funny), and how many times can Jamie Fox grab his dick in one night. WE get it Jamie, you're black, you've got a big cock, we got the Chili Peppers Joke, now stop grabbing your johnson and just introduce the next guest. Being funnier than the Wayans bros. really wasn't all that hard.

Ben Stiller was hilarious, and Jack Black is the man, and Snoop Dogg can roll a fattie in my crib anytime, no doubt. and thank god for Spike Jones and Christopher Walken.

The whole evening was like a high school talent contest, aside from U2, who at least brought some talent and music to the evening (no comments partygirl, or we'll be throwing down soon)

People I hate: Carson Daly (although that dog puppet wanting to sniff j.Lo's butt was funny), Julia Stiles (no talent), Lizzie Grubman.... yep, she still bothers me...

I need a fucking interpreter for Busta Rhymes, and for JayZ, and how many MTV awards shows do we have to sit through that remake from Moulon Rouge (i'd try and spell it, but we all know what the hell i'm talking about)...

Britney looked/sounded/is ridiculous...

note to Justin, "ah man, we just want to give mad props to Michael, who gave five fans the biggest thrill of our lives," MJ should be thanking you ...otherwise those screams would have been screams of fear at the sight of looking at him

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From: Toastgirl

linkin park - you're right, i AM about to break, if i have to endure one more song by a bunch of whiteboy no talent assclowns raprockin'about their rage. then again, if i was a whiteboy no talent assclown, i guess i'd be angry too.

backstreet - enough with the skirts all ready! do it once, it's fashionable, do it twice, it's crossdressing. and thank you aj for informing me that if you can stay sober, so can i. i'm sure it was really hard to kick that zima addiction.

macy gray, sheryl crow - does anyone care any more? did any one ever care the first time around?

and the preshow, my god, the preshow! i can't believe i saw BRITNEY commenting on mick's new album. even worse, i can't believe i watched mick make nice with her, obviously in hopes of a future paternity suit. disgrace.

and kid rock better keep pam on a good buzz, because by the time she comes down enough to realize that he ain't packing what tommy's packing, she's out of there.

and what exactly does "shizzle my nizzle" MEAN??????

*~*

From: FB

assclowns, welcome to the hate club Ms. Taostgirl.

I didn't see the show, but....

I think it's fine time u2 hang it up, and I'm a fan! Sorry P., but collaborations with Wyclef? You've got to be kidding me. I'm still waiting for this no talent loser to remake the national anthem to rake in some extra "chedda."

God forbid I ever see carson daly in person someday. I will doormat his black nail polish ass on the spot.

Macy Gray IS dennis rodman. Really. I hope she finally learns how to say goodbye, chokes, stumbles, and then f-ing DIES!

Can we get N'sync in a charter plane down to the bahamas fast enough?

Christina Aguilera is the last person I want to see in Lingerie. She looks like a lizard with blue eye shadow. Who the hell is Pink?

Did I mention how much I like Gwen?

And who is that fat uncle fester/twiggy ramirez look alike retard with all the tattoos that does the news reports? Two words buddy: Salad bar.

Train? How about a better name, say, Matchbox 22.

*~*

From: PG

I'm not going to comment on U2 out of respect for T. and because they were one of the only bands that actually sing AND play instruments.

Macy Gray. I. HATE. HER. I cannot *believe* that MJB was forced to share the stage with that cracked out FUH-reak.

Sheryl Crow - I guess now that she's not f'ing anyone with TALENT she has no new material.

Jewel - why is she back? Why was she around the first time? Are the teeth fixed?

Fred Durst - George Michael is calling. He wants his song and his fame back now. It's time for you to go back to landscaping.

Favorite Kid Rock/ Pam/ Kurt Loder moment:

Kurt: "So you two are the big couple...you're very much in love...*mumble,mumble*...for the moment..."

Pam squinches her face and Kid Rock stares blankly in front of him.

Favorite Kurt Loder/Britney/Mick Jagger moment:

Kurt: "So Mick, Britney covered a song of yours, are you a fan?"

Mick: "Ahhh, ....Sure..."

bring back Sum 41. I'd rather see a bunch of crazy drunk, underage, Canadians destroy their equipment.

*~*

From: T.

nice one on Jewel, PG - and i believe we have some consensus on the backass boys

FB, you punk ass bitch, i'm lighting you on fire at my bbq in a couple weeks for tweaking on U2... (though i still love the lizard with eye shadow christina quip)

mark wahlberg.. lee strasberg is calling, and he's willing to offer you acting lessons for free, FREE marky mark, free!

Q: "hey mark, don't you have a movie coming out soon"

A: "yeah, that's why i'm here, it's called Rock Star, it comes out this weekend, why are you here?"

hmmm, rock star, the story of a no talent wannabe who gets his shot to sing for a shitty band that overindulges in booze, drugs, women, etc. I think i saw that the first 100 times around, when it was fucking called BEHIND THE FUCKING MUSIC on VH1!

didn't i just see john norris and kurt loder playing canasta with the other old timers on a stoop in the village, get those guys off camera now

finest moment of the night though, my opinion, was when the other guy from limp bizkit decided to sing acappela lyrics from an old Iron Maiden song in his acceptance speech, that was funny

final question: Who was the fat rapper chick they decided to drop from the sky? She looked like the cow jumping over the moon. was that missie elliot, or missie something lil something diddy pop doody poop?

I got madd luv for all ya out there... and i wanna give it up to the kreator one last time, peace out

*~*

From: P.

T. - True. True.

QUESTION: How many times can these fucking idiots gratuitously plug their own albums?

Bono is God.

QUESTION: Am I getting old, or does anyone know what the fuck JayZ is saying in those lyrics?

Michael Jackson is done - turn him over. The guy looked like he's on his deathbed.

Yep Britney has no talent... but she's like umm... hot ,okay? Christina A is still a pasty little troll.

Sheryl Crow was pretty pissed up there, huh? What is she doing up past her bedtime?

The big ass/j-lo jokes are done... move on kids. However the dog puppet was funny...

Carson Daly is the anti-christ.

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