I spent the weekend with my newly husbandless friend. Is she a widow? Technically, no, I think, as there is no death certificate.

We had some ups and downs. People say some stupid things some times. I know they don't mean to, but they do. Like the sales clerk in the store on Saturday, who pulled up my friend's name in their computer and saw her husband's name with his address, 2 WTC. She turned white, and looked at my friend as she read it, as my friend, looked stunned back at her. She hadn't known he'd bought anything there. It was something he bought in August. The sales girl said, "Well, at least he's ok!," which left my friend stammering.

It happens. It will happen again, I guess.

Overall, we all really just cut loose. While attempting to recover today, we came up with some new warning signs for an ugly night. Allow me to share instances that should wave a red flag that things are going to get out of control:

- If you see me full-fledge dancing at any point

- If you see me full-fledge dancing in a well lit restuarant/bar room before midnight

- If I break out Michael Jackson moves from any of the following videos, "Beat it," "Billy Jean," "Are you okay?"

- If the girls and I start doing a synchronized, dance routine

- If I spit my beer out because of uncontrollable laughter and it covers the length of the bar

- If any member of our group breaks out the worm in a crowded bar

- If any female member of the group leans over the bar and pays for a round with a twenty stuffed in her cleavage

- If she takes the change the same way

- If I a) purposely pour a beer on myself to "camoflauge" a spill or b) throw beer on someone else at the bar

- If shots of tequila are done at any point in the evening but especially if they are consumed before dinner

- If pitchers of Buttery Nipple shots are ordered

- If pitchers of Red Death shots are ordered

- If I allege to have heard someone at the bar say something about me

- If I then walk through said group of guys, look up at the one I *think* said something and whisper asshole in his face and keep walking

- If I am dirty dancing

- If I grab a strangers' ass as he walks by

- If I am "lost" or "missing" for any portion of the night

- If the boys start loading various weapons, including but not limited to, AK-47's with a banana clip

- If I am found temporarily holding any of the said weapons

Toastgirl and I tossed out the idea of communal living today to the rest of the group. It was well received. Our boys are fierce and well-armed. They can hunt and fish. Although slightly deranged, they could work to our advantage. Us girls can cook and make clothing. It would be so much better than having to split during the week, and none of us likes to be separated. It would be so much better if every night were a sleep over.

Our friends have this huge house. Other than the fact that one of the guys wants to shoot the neighbor, and I spend a lot of time trying to diffuse this situation, this could be the way to go, moving forward.

If I'm going to be taken out, I'd rather be with people I love and frankly, I don't think even the most skilled army could take us out without a prolonged battle.

Just a thought.

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