So, I was at the gym this weekend and I realized why I hate going to the gym. It�s the people. First of all, I hate the people who watch other people. Why are you watching me sweat? Mind your own beewax, loser. And I cannot understand the people who select the machines facing the mirror so they can watch themselves work out. What is that? Some type of perverse narcissistic fetish? The last thing I want to look at in the mirror is myself wearing sweats, with my hair pulled back and sweat dripping down my red face. It�s just not attractive. But what really bothers me at the gym, are the treadmill runners.

I noticed Saturday that the treadmill runners give the speed walkers dirty looks. I don�t appreciate that. Just because I�m not a runner doesn�t mean I can�t speed walk on the equipment. I pay for a gym membership too! Besides they are TREAD mills, not RUN mills. Or SPRINT mills. I tread at a high pace � leave me alone! Maybe my lungs aren�t ready for a run but they can clear a chamber in excellent time!

I brought this issue up with my brother and he confirmed that the treadmill runners hate the walkers. He says that as a treadmill runner, he thinks the walkers should walk outside if they want to walk. I think the runners should run outside, since it will take them half the time to cover the same distance.

My roommate woke me up at 8:30am on Sunday to tell me the police just called for me. She was all freaked out, like I had committed murder or something. I was like, �Helloooooo � I�m sure they are just fundraising for the PBA, no big deal.�

Mid-afternoon on Sunday. The State Troopers call for me. Now I suspect someone is pranking and I tell her to give me the call the next time it comes through. I picked up the next call. It was the police, collecting for the PBA. I pledged $22 to help support a program against drugs, among other things. How genius is that?

The irony of it all.

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