This is where my life, yet again, resembles a reality TV show.

Of late, there have been discussions in my apartment regarding our future. Our lease is up for renewal and one of us would like to keep the place with two people because her priority was to have more living space, but another of us didn't want to lock in with only two people maintaining the place because her job is in flux. And then there's me.

My feeling was that I want a change. I have a subconscious 4-year rule, which I refer to as my "high school mentality." I cannot be in the same place for more than four years. Generally at the 3.5 year mark, I check out. I did this in high school and just withdrew from everyone before graduation. I did it again in college, abandoning my friends before the year was done and picking up with a new clique. I left my first post-college job after 3.5 years and I recently hit the 3.5 year point at my current job, so you know what that means. I lived in my first NYC apt. for 3.5 years and have been in this apt. for nearly 4 years.

See the pattern? It's something that I recently realized during my "meditation" phrase, which is how I am now referring to the last few months.

To make a long story short, because we couldn't all agree on who would stay and who would go and we all agreed that we have equal claim on our phat apt., we agreed to draw straws for the place.

I guess it's pretty bizarre, to draw straws for something as major as the apt. you've been living in for 4 years, but I thought it was rather exciting - throwing everything that I have up in the air to chance.

In my mind, it was a win-win. If I won the apt., I would move a friend of mine in who already agreed to be my roommate and if I lost, I planned to find another place with her.

We should start with the fact that I never win things like this. I'm just not a lucky girl. I'm the kind of girl who gets the dirty rainwater splashed on her as buses pass on the street. I am the classic, hardworking underdog. I don't get the big break and I never get the guy but everyone is always rooting for me because I have a great attitude about it.

While waiting for the referree (my friend A.), who was late because he ordered a pizza before coming over, I chain smoked and suggested that we should have created some type of "challenges" and really dragged out the whole process. But then I realized I wouldn't have a chance at challenges based on my lack of coordination, so that wouldn't have worked in my favor anyway.

So we drew straws. The roommate with the job in transition won, I came in second and the roommate seeking more space came in third.

And I felt an enormous sense of relief. It's over. No more back and forth. No more seriously weighing a move to Philly, about which I've met with a number of recruiters in the last month and spoken about to family and friends. No more worrying about everyone's feelings and thinking, "I'll go!" or "no, maybe she *wants* to go" and all of the other scenarios I played out in my head.

It's over. Regardless of where I go from here, I know we approached this fairly and that I was mindful of all options available to me.

And this is the first part of the issues I have been sorting through. A major change in my life. There are three more BIG changes that I am still privately working through.

When they are solidified, I will announce them and start to consider the new direction I want to follow in Diaryland.

I really should have cut a deal with Viacom to document all of this.

previous next