So I broke down and read my cards last night and it told me nothing more than I already know. I am on the cusp of change. I am fighting an opposing force but the good news is that have I positive forces (friends) who are supporting me through this decision making time. But no indication of how it will all turn out.

Typical.

As the fates decided that I would have no answers, there was just one thing left to do. Clean House.

This, can be a massive project, because you can't stockpile things in Manhattan apartments. You keep the stuff you must, like bank statements and 401k information and the like and you toss the old magazines, etc.

Most of my work, is opening my mail and filing it. I haven't opened bank, 401K or IRA statements since May '01. That's right. I track it all online, why bother opening it?

Let me tell you why I should have opened it. Because now I'm left filing 11 months of statements!!! What the @#!* was I thinking??? At one point, I considered hiring a temp to complete the job. But then I remembered I don't have money to hire a temp, and I bent over to open another stack of mail.

Then I had to take all the sensitive information that I was not keeping and burn it because I am a paranoid freak. And I don't have a shredder. This was really the best part of my chores, except for when the campfire on my terrace made me nostalgic for smores and I fought an internal struggle between attending to the fire, or leaving it for just 3 minutes to get smores' supplies at the Bodega. Smores...or burn the apartment building down...smores...or... Anyway, the Smokey the Bear flashback won over Girl Scout camp and I monitored the fire.

More about the clean up. I found some scary items, let me tell you. I found six, count them, SIX, used disposable cameras. One of them is an underwater disposable camera! God only knows what gems may be captured on them.

Unfortunately, I'll have to wait out a paycheck to develop them, but hey, I know they're here!

I also found some party polariods, which are genius.

The real pickle here is what to do with this old, beaten up American Flag. I don't have room for it but I don't think you are allowed to throw out the American Flag. I think you are only allowed to dispose of it by burning. I'm not sure of the protocol on that so I'll have to look it up.

I also have a VCR from 1984 that appears to be on the blink - can't imagine why. Do I save it or trash it? I think I'm going to save it, but where the hell am I going to put it? Maybe I can wrap it in a garbage bag and stuff it under my bed! Now that's an idea!

Well, I'm about halfway done. What's killing me are all the little slips of paper that I have lying around because I wrote myself a note to remember something and then lost the slip of paper. Do I keep them to actually follow through on the idea, or throw them all out to begin anew.

Ahhh hell, let's throw it all out.

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