For four years, I have lived at the top of a small apartment building in Manhattan. My neighborhood is neither high nor low rent. There are few descriptors to make my neighborhood stand out. We have corner bodega's, laundromats, Indian storefronts, dry cleaners, a 24-hr check cashing business and several bars. Recently, Starbucks moved in.

What's been nice about my apartment is the space. It's large, with an enormous terrace that can accompany 50 people comfortably. My bedroom has a balcony off of it, providing me the freedom to walk away from my computer or my life momentarily, to step outside and enjoy several views of the island. I overlook the East River, several bridges and if I turn my head, I can see the Empire State building.

For four years this apartment has been my solace in this speeding City. When work and life feel like they are on a VHS that the user watches by perpetually holding the fast forward button, never giving me the opportunity to say my lines with thought and clarity, I can step outside of my apartment without having to continue racing on tape.

My neighborhood is changing. They are tearing down the smaller buildings and erecting enormous, non-descript luxury high-rises. Gone is the gas station across the street, in it's place is a red-brick high-rise. When I walk out onto my balcony, to my left I stare at the skeleton constructed of iron girders for what will be a high-rise. To my right, I stare at freshly poured concrete walls that will house 35 floors of tenants less than a year from today.

In essence, I am fenced in. How appros pro.

The last few days have been a whirlwind of activity. I have worked straight through 12 and 14 hour days. At the end of the each day, I stopped to pause for a moment and tried to remember what I had accomplished and what I still needed to do.

After work, I dedicated some time each day, to work toward my move. I have spoken with the friend I was planning to live with next fall, cancelling my plans with her and explaining my reasons. I sat down my boss and shared my plans and my timeline. I started sending out resumes and researching job opportunities in Philly. Slowly, it's coming together.

The last piece that I need to address, is speaking to my other roommate, to whom I have reached out. After that, I plan to give my boss the ok to share the news with key people at work and move forward with interviewing this month and in June.

Tonight, I stopped for a moment and went to see "Kissing Jessica Stein." I loved it. It made me a bit nostalgic for the NYC that used to be mine. One of the scenes is filmed outside of what used to be my favorite bar. Around this time last year, I had that great date at that bar. I thought he was The One.

He is long gone and that bar is no longer there. Things change. People change.

But the beauty of the film was it's depiction of NY life. Fast, fast, fast. Smart, smart, smart. Frustrated with no longer being the best because you've joined this crowded talent pool and settling for being functional. Having an epiphanial moment and seeing that you don't need to settle, you need to make hard choices to get to the better things in life. Accepting risks and change to find the nuggets that later become the points that bolt the story of your life.

When you start to feel fenced in, you have to change. I can't believe I forgot that.

I shouldn't say I forgot that. I should say I hid from it. Change is some scary shit and so are risks, but without them, you face getting stuck in a gear. Stalling.

Throughout this process everyone has demanded answers from me as to why I am doing what I am doing. They have questioned my character and my motives. They have second-guessed me. They have warned me against making a mistake.

The truth is I want to advance my life and that's why I'm leaving.

I am doing the right thing. I feel strong. This feels right.

And one more thing. My friend said to me last night, "Partygirl, you are faced with a multitude of choices and you say it's killing you. What you are really feeling is 'Dying from Opportunity.' It's killing you because you have so many opportunities and you don't know what to choose. You're lucky because you are the kind of person who can do anything she wants to do. So find what you want, and do it."

So that's the next step.

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