I'm ending the negativity right now. I should never have addressed that comment in my guestbook, it's completely adverse to my cardinal rule of not responsing to negativity or flaming, which someone reminded me today.

It irritated me. A lot of things irritate me these days, as I am fully immersed in doing a lot of work in my free time for charities we've established for my friends that died in the WTC.

The 1-year anniversary is rapidly approaching and even though I don't overtly think about it, it's there, in the back of my mind.

Also in the back of my mind is the fact that I'm still here, in NYC, and I will be on the 1-year anniversary.

People who read this, see the moniker of Partygirl and assume that it's going to be a vapid tale of parties and fun.

It was that, before 9-11. Sometimes it still is.

I forget that people who read my words can't hear sarcasm in my voice and see me smile at the frequent joke I make of myself as I write.

It's unlike me to lash out like I did yesterday, but these days I do a lot of things that are unlike the person I was for 28 years.

I'll try not to let that happen again, and if my diary irritates any readers, feel free not to read.

This isn't the New York Times. I don't pretend to be Maureen Dowd. This is just my journal, and it happens to be online.

My jaw hurts from clenching all the time. I clench to choke back my feelings of discontent to my co-workers, family and friends. My hands have started peeling again from the stress I am undoubtably causing myself. My spasmodic colon is ripping my insides apart.

At the same time, work seems to be calming down. My vacation is approaching. The upsetting situations happening to my friends seem to be settling down.

I'm just taking a deep breath and focusing on my mantra, "It'll all work out."

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