Today at work I received, via an e-mail from my best guy friend, the news that they had found and identified the remains of our college friend who was killed at the WTC. He worked on the 96th Flr of the first Tower hit. We were fairly certain he would not be identified.

The e-mail had an attachment. It was a photo of friend A. and the deceased. I stared at it for a little bit, but it didn't upset me. It just doesn't penetrate that he's gone. He doesn't seem like any of them are gone to me. It's like they been away, even though I know they haven't.

In the afternoon, I was typing in an e-mail address, and for the first time ever, in four years, my friend's husband's e-mail defaulted into the To: area. I typed two letters and there was his e-mail, highlighted on my screen. I jumped up in my seat and screamed.

Some co-workers came running to ask what had happened and rather than explain, I just said I had lost a document.

It's like some weird karmic force, pushing reality into my nice comfortable world. It refuses to let me ignore this 1-year mark.

It makes me a bit anxious. But I think I'm holding it together pretty well.

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