I have a headache and I can't take advil right now so I've been sitting here looking at a bottle of vicodin wondering if that has ibuprofen in it or if it's safe for my liver to take a half of a tablet.

*~*

GO FLYERS. Tonight's win made me feel better. Roenick is such a stand up guy. Did you see him tell that drama queen Tucker after the game that he really respects him? What a guy.

I want that cup to come to Philly this summmer. We deserve that cup.

*~*

A friend of mine wrote me a really great e-mail today.

I've been shaking off this setback in my personal life as my mistake. Even saying that it was my due to get this shakedown, like it was a karma payback.

My friend said:

In the past several years I've known you, I've only seen good things about you. Never once have I questioned your intentions in any situation or have had any reason to feel any negativity toward you. Can't say that for most people I know. You are a really good person and I hate to see you get screwed like this. It just shouldn't happen.

I don't even know this boy, but I hate him for not seeing what everyone else sees in you and for abusing your relationship. I hope you have the strength to cut him loose for good. Your time is way too valuable to waste on him and he really doesn't deserve to be in your presence. You're a hot commodity and should only spend time with people who recognize and appreciate that.

I've been doing a lot of rationalizing what happened. Seeing where I may have misinterpreted signs and miscommunicated where I stood. Blaming myself for allowing my self-esteem to decimate around me over the last couple of months as I mutated into a shadow of the proud individual I had become.

And then I read things like that and I think, this is bullshit. I was mislead, plain and simple.

I've been pissed at myself for getting involved but I should be pissed at him for leading me on.

My whole life, I *have* been the friend who picks up the pieces. I've been the good time girl. I travel at a moments notice to support my friends but last month I found myself in the doghouse with some of those people because for the first time in my life, I followed my heart.

I guess I should be angry at a lot of people right now but I still find myself pointing my finger inward.

Right now I need to maintain my focus. I've been dry for 8 days, I ran this weekend, I've been writing and I've been productive at work. I'm been working on rebuilding my friendships and resumed my role as head cheerleader for my friends and family.

Above all else, I want to resume my former self by standing tall and walking proud.

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