Somewhere along the way, as I walked through the last few months surrounded by a ring of fire, I fell into a pool of serenity.

I started to feel it last week, but it didn't hit me until last night. I went out for a few drinks with Gingi and she came to the bar with a magnificent rant. Through this halo of angst, I saw what I had been, "had" being the key word.

Things aren't where I'd like them to be for me yet, but I felt a sense of peace last night. Even when a call came from A., in which he told me for the second time this week that things are going really well for him and the psycho GF and that he needs to talk to me about something important, even with that suspicion that my Plan B is about to announce an impending engagement, I felt calm.

I'm really comfortable about letting people go right now. It's important for me to set them free, because in freeing them, I am making room in my life for new people, a new start for me, and that's something that I've felt missing for a long time.

That part of the impetus was pushing me a year ago to move from NYC, because they wouldn't free me and I couldn't let them go either. It was a temporary fear of what's to come, what's meant to happen and when you let that fear control you, you limit life.

Maybe I wasn't ready for it a year ago. So much has happened since then. I opened my heart and it was finally broken. I learned from that experience that you can give your heart and it will hurt but most importantly, it will heal. That is the thing that I am most proud of right now, having taken that chance, however half-assed I did it.

I'm two weeks away from my 30th birthday and feel completely ready for it. No anxiety, just anticipation, to celebrate with some friends and then to start over on the next part of my life.

This is the beginning.

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