This weekend was very...relaxing. Went to the shore. Hung out. Did some shopping. Chatted with the lady who owns the almost-head shop in town. Loving her. Her kids live in NYC. She's ordering a new guatamalian knapsack for me. The one I use for the beach is from 1995 and the entire bottom is safety-pinned to the bag to keep it from bottoming out. It's in a sad state. But I have to have a knapsack because I bike everywhere down there and I am legendary for my bike accidents. Remarkably, all of my biking accidents occur while sober (we think that might be the problem).

A bunch of us were talking this weekend about my bike accidents, or mainly, about how I haven't had one in years, so I am due. However, in the interest of humor for my readers (and we all know there's nothing funnier than seeing someone fall), I'm going to highlight my top 5 bike accidents:

-Age 16: Hit and Run. An old woman driving a Cadillac came flying out of an alley as I was biking past, on my way home from my morning job as grounds keeper for an old Irish woman who owned a boardinghouse. Hits me broadside, I go flying, only about 3 or 4 feet from my bike. Old woman gets out of car, walks over and says, "Oh MY! Are you alright?" I'm laying on my back, not moving, but I manage to look up at her and say, I'm ok. I'm fine. I lay there for a minute and I watch her back away from me, bend down and pick something up and the next thing I know she's back in her Caddy, puts the car in reverse and backs out of the alley and takes off. Stunned by this. I get up and get back on my bike, and remember to check my pockets to ensure that nothing spilled out. I had gotten paid a little extra that day. But that's when I realized, the $20 I had been paid, was what the woman picked up b4 she jumped in her car and took off. Biatch. (But seriously, that's funny, when you picture it) Injuries: sprained ankle, mutiple scrapes. Did not cry.

-Age 17: Trying to be the cool chick. Biking barefoot at night for an excuse to get out of my house and away from my mother; pre-season. Guy whistles at me as I bike by. I try to look cool and act nonchalant. Looking nonchalant is more work than you might think. While focusing on looking cool I try to speed up, leaning forward on my bike, my foot slips off of the pedal and propels forward, jutting into my front wheel. Foot goes into spokes, which causes the bike to slow from say, 15mph to 0. Sudden decrease in speed, propels my body over the handlebars, however, this time, I do not fly feet away from my bike - due to the fact that my foot is stuck in handlebars. Laying on street, said whisteler comes over and crowd attracts. Untangle my limbs from the bike and somehow utter, I'm fine, doesn't hurt...Get back on bike, and somehow manage to bike home and drag myself upstairs to my bed. Not crying, but definitly whimpering, encountering a lot of pain trying to get up the stairs to my room. Get up there and lay on my bed until I pass out from pain. Wake up, arm swollen, ankle swollen, cuts all over, including forehead. Have to yell to mom for help. Trip to the emergency room. Injuries: Chipped elbow, hairline fractured wrist, sprained ankle. Six weeks later, go for follow up on arm and elbow, complain of dull pain in foot. Foot is x-rayed, doctor finds that I had broken my foot in 3 places, but since 6 weeks had passed, the bones had already started healing. Had been waitressing 5 days a week since day of accident.

-Age 20: I learn I am not a stunt woman. Fired up after having seen the movie "Speed." Riding my bike to a party after having seen the movie and yelling to my friend riding next to me, "Stop the bus! Stop the bus!" Speed up my bike REALLYFAST, swing my leg over the bar of my bike, put one foot on top of the other, balanced on one pedal - one hand on one handlebar, other hand reaching out to said friend, saying "You can make it. Grab my hand!" Can't really remember what happened with this one due to intoxication, but I'm guessing one of my feet slipped, needless to say I went flying and my bike landed on top of me. Laughed the whole time, rolling in the street, with my friend, until our boss came over (he was walking his dog) and was like "Are you okay? Did you break anything?" Confronted by boss, freaked out...Hobbled up and jumped back on bike and headed away from boss - toward party. Injuries: Broken toe, skinned knee, skinned finger.

-Age 21: Can't remember where I was going, but I remember seeing a fat black pipe coming out of the sewer and thinking it would be cool to jump it. You should know that I tend to ride my bike like a motorcyle, ie - when I take a turn, I lean in. Decide to try to jump my bike (it's a boys beach cruiser - no speeds, foot breaks)over the pipe and around the turn. Make the fast turn, lift front wheel over pipe, think I've cleared it, but back wheel doesn't make it (didn't have enough height)it wedges in between the end of the pipe and the curb, I fall over onto the sidewalk. Not a painful fall. Kinda stopped myself with my leg. Injuries: None.

-Age 23: On my way to my waitressing job at a beach grill, breakfast shift. It's early + I'm hungover = not cautious. Not mention, by this age I have no fear of falling and tend to really ride my bike. Speed down the driveway, between two trash cans (short cut) and try to jump the bike off the curb while turning the bike in the air to head up the road. Wheel hits streets at about 45 degree angle, rim hits cement. Crash. I go sliding up the street on my side. Brushburn up my leg and arm. No one's around so I start crying. Pick up my bike and walk it back to my house, walk in crying at 23 years old. My mom has to clean my scapes for me because I'm hysterical. Go to work in pain. Injuries: Massive brush burns.

You'll be happy to hear I continue to ride my bike everywhere at the shore. Last summer, while riding home from a party, BOMBED, at about 4AM, a car of youngsters drove by and they hit me with a water balloon. Talk about karma. I felt it and at first I didn't know what it was, of course not, I'd always been on the other end of water balloons! Anyway, I just burst out laughing. All those years of hitting people with water ballons and a bunch of kids get ME on my bike. I almost peed my pants.

So I still ride my bike, and I laugh when I see these people riding with helmuts. Puh-lease. Get tough (this coming from the girl who cried to her mommy at 23 when she got a brush burn).

But after reading over this, I think I now understand why my parents were adamant about not allowing me to get a motocycle. Whew. That would have been some bad news.

Perhaps later this week I will highlight my top 5 car accidents. I'll have to include my high school car surfing accidents in that one. Also a goodie. PS - I'm mentioned on Marnie2000's page today. Check it out. www.jammyjam.diaryland.com

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