Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,for I may not follow.

Do not walk beside me, either; just leave me alone.

That cracked me up, I got it on some joke e-mail today.

*~*

I'd like to take this opportunity to give a shout out to all the people who actually make my life happen on a day to day basis...

To the deli guys next to my apartment. You guys are the best. Thanks for the IOU tab for my cigarettes and diet cokes and endless supply of peanut butter crackers. Thanks for letting me "borrow" $50 a couple of weekends ago when I had no money and wanted to go out. Thanks for offering me the keys to the deli when I complained that you closed early and I was standing outside in the rain looking in for someone - anyone - to let me in so I could buy Chef Boyardee Ravioli's at 5AM. I hope you'll understand that it's just not a good idea for either of us to give me those keys for 24 hour access. Thanks for hanging my photo on the wall. Oh, and for storing my keys in your store so that my friends who crash on the couch, can get in when they need to.

To the deli guys across from my former apt., who still recognize me when I stop by. Thanks for the numerous tokens for the subway on the days when I had on .75 to my name (it takes $1.50 to ride the subway), free packs of cigarettes when I had no money, and for the days when you saw me coming out of my building unprepared in a downpour and you ran across the street screaming my name and gave me your umbrella.

To my friend A.K. Who always gives me cash when I am broke, with a minor lecture, and will take the subway all the way up from the World Trade Center to my office, to deliver the money because I realized too late that I have no money and have plans (without him) for that night. You've gone above and beyond the call of duty and maybe someday I should tell you that to your face, instead of returning your calls at MY convenience. I suck.

To my boss, who I make plans with time and time again to go for drinks and then as we are on our way there, I casually let her know that I have no money and she's going to have to buy me drinks. Also thanks to her for buying lunch for me on the days when I have no money, loaning me her umbrella when it rains and I am unprepared, ignoring fact that I am late everyday and laughing at my totally off-the-wall excuses. Oh, and for the $20 she gave me last night so I could get home. She's the best.

To my Dad. Who overlooks the cocktails I charged to his credit card or the Dominos pizza's. Who overnights cash or check to me when I really hit the low point and have to call him. He never makes me feel bad, he never questions why I need the money. And he always overnights it or wires it. And then when I pay him back he tells me I don't have to, or he says to only give him half and pay me the rest later. He always asks to see my art, and when he does he pretends that I have talent and likens my work to one of the greats. When really, he is one of the greats. My Dad rocks.

To my Mom. Who even though she drives me nuts, and just the sound her voice can reduce me to TEARS, deserves a shout out. Because beneath her passive-aggressive manner, beneath the pushing and goading, all she really wanted for me was what she never had. She wanted me to be the best. And thanks Mom, for that one time, when you looked at me and told me that the greatest thing you ever did in your life, was raising me and my brother. Because I know that you mean that, and I'd like to tell you, that you have a lot more to offer than that. But you still drive me crazy and should stop harrassing me.

To my friend C. - who tells me that she believes I will be famous and that I am a great writer - even though I'm not.

And to my friends E and F - who also tell me I am going to become famous (I believe the words they used was "Second-tiered celebrity"...thanks, I guess...?) and always try to make plans for ways I can meet Gregg Allman, my future husband. You guys are the best.

To my friend Sushibitch.com...who tells me that I am the rockstarriest person she knows, on the days when I feel far from rockstar-y.

To Marnie2000...who actually thinks I'm cool, god knows why. And respects my distaste for all that is Khaki and Banana Republic and Ann Taylor and basically, all that I categorize as communist America.

My brother. He can drive me crazy but he too also supports me when I have no cash and I owe him huge. (I think you guys might be getting the picture regarding why my friends feel I will need a dowry and to marry famous and cash slips through my fingers like sand. Where does it go? I have no idea!) For not laughing or freaking out and making fun of me when I had the eating issues and had to go to the hospital, for keeping those important things quiet and for breaking it down for me - telling me to quit it when I got in over my heads with the drugs. Sometimes he gives me advice, sometimes he gets me in trouble with our parents. But he's pretty cool for a big brother. Thanks Buddy!

To my friend Kerry, whom I haven't spoken with in years. Kerry saved my life when I was 20, and not a lot of people know that. Shortly after that, Kerry nearly lost HER life, when she walked down our hallway holding her wrists out in front of her, which were slit open leaving a trail of the darkest blood you've ever seen. I hope you're okay now, Kerry, but more than that, I hope you're happy. And thanks.

To my friend A., who can drive me out of my mind, almost as much as my mother, with her therapy tactics and new age healing. Thanks for always trying to get me to talk to you, even though I never want to. It's not you, it's just because I'm not that kind of theraputic person. I'm a self-healer. There are those us out of there, and you can identify them by their love of life that gleams in their eyes. It's a special gleam of life, because they've fought so hard to stay in it. Look more closely at people's eyes, as you meet them, and you will understand what I mean.

My friend M., who makes my life look like a Stepford scenario. She's a constant reminder that other people have it tougher, sadder and withstand incredible trauma and go on to devote their life and time to helping unfortunate people they will never even meet. She literally inspires me every time I think of her.

Janis Joplin, my screensaver. A constant reminder of the what can happen when you get too much, too soon. And a reminder to never take life too seriously and take fun wherever you can find it. Because life (especially hers) is DAMN short. So who gives a shit what people say about you?

There are so many more people out there who deserve a shout out. I'll have to pick this up another time.

But looking over this list, you'll have to admit - It Takes a Village....to raise a Partygirl.

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