If there's one thing we know how to do in my apartment, it is: throw a party. We can throw a party that can blow your mind. We can bring out the animal in the most staid individuals. And we can get, FUCKED UP.

This party was no different.

I like when I get e-mails from strangers two days after that read like this, "Thanks for a great party. I did, however, get caught in your bedroom going to second base with a State trooper. I had no intentions for defiling your place of rest in such a manner. You can come over and defile my place anytime. I guess I felt like I was in college or something."

Four years ago at this party, we had to throw out some strangers who walked in and got seriously out of control. I mean, REALLY out of control. Turns out they were IRA guys and put our apartment on some "list" because we threw them out. To resolve that, we had to send one of our girls in on a recon mission, play the guy and sweet talk him back on our side. And then we had to go in and get her back out of that relationship.

We walk a fine line.

*~*

The day started around 10am, with two cases of champagne, half a case of vodka and 4 kegs. When it was finished, there wasn't a drop of alcohol left in the place, including two empty cases of beer that someone ran out and purchased.

I started off the day, losing a bet to my roommate that our taps wouldn't work. One did, and I had to anchorman a pitcher of beer. That means I had to drink the pitcher, without taking my lips off of the glass. I'm 28.

If she had lost, she was going to have to do a 30-second keg stand. For the record, she did that too, or so was reported, two days later. She made it to 27-seconds. She's 28 too. These are my people.

Sunday was only the third time in my life I blacked out. First was on my 21st birthday, second was that same year when I was on a Captain Morgan kick and for that same reason I am forbidden from ever setting sail with the Captain again.

Some highlights:

- lesbians doing splits in my bedroom

- me having chugging contests with boys at the keg around 9PM (I went 1-2, for the record)

- one of my guy friends from college having a 1-on-1 breakdown with me about WTC and coming out to his parents (I think my response to the latter was, get over it, no one cares and I don't even think you're gay anyway)

- me apparently having 1-on-1's with anyone who wanted to talk about their life and needed advice (apparently there were a lot of these people)

- My roommate jumping on my bed and doing splits in the air, knocking everything in her way including my Wyeth print left off-kilter

- My roommate also doing this on her own bed first, knocking off her oil painting and then running from her room to jump on my bed

- My other roommate flashing her boobs to the entire party

- A party guest collecting money for a fund created in memory of one of our friends who died in the WTC. After getting 40 dollars, flashing her boobs with pierced nipple to the crowd

- A reporter for a New York society magazine, taking pictures of the entire party

- Local news crews, who stopped a platform truck in front of our building and videotaped the debauchery

- Toastgirl trying to Houdini and A. running after her out of the bar yelling, "WE HAVE A RUNNER! STOP THAT GIRL!!" as he sped down the avenue, and tackled her on the corner while I wandered around, dazed and confused

- Me and Toastgirl coming home to aforementioned party guest and state trooper (STATE TROOPER?!?) half naked on my bed and then the girl asking me to help her GET HER BRA ON after Toastgirl told them they had 5 minutes to get themselves together and out of the apartment and the cop sprinting out of the place.

- Same girl then whipping out said DD boob with pierced nipple at Toastgirl and I as I kicked her out of the apartment

Damage

- Blew our stereo receiver, it actually blew up.

- two china candlesticks

- my hand stitched kanga drum, skins ripped. God knows how. And it can't be replaced, the whole thing has to be tossed

- 4 plastic sunshine plate holders, melted in the microwave

- my white Burber bedroom rug,it's now gray

- my CD player, destroyed. I suspect a spilled beer...

It was a party for the books. It will go down in history. So much more to come on this. People are just getting back to us on the details. I think this may be a week long record of the events.

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