Right now, I am feeling really boxed in. I feel trapped. I feel like I am alone, in a room with no doors and no windows. And talking about it isn�t going to help.
What should I do, you guys? Should I move somewhere? What�s going to make me feel better?
I�m freaking. I need some time to think. Clearly.
*~*
Another one of the WACO girls got engaged. One of my favorites. I am reallyreallyreally excited for her.
So allow me to explain. There are 12 of us WACO girls. Out of the original 12 (we expunged one during senior year of college because she sucked) there are now 3, counting me, who are not engaged or married. One of those 3 relocated to Dublin, so she can�t really count because she�s just f-ing around having the time of her life and making everyone send her cartons of cigarettes.
Which brings me down to two girls. Me, and one other girl who is seriously dating this trader guy. And that brings us down to: ME.
I am the only single one left. That�s a lot of pressure. Self-imposed, you say? Maybe. But not really, because it will be noted by each and every one. It will be spoken aloud when I�m not around. It will be mused. They will wonder if I am freaking.
For the record, I refuse to freak.
Anyway, I will admit, that I was bitten by the green-eyed monster when my friend told me today that she was getting engaged. You see, she�s getting engaged because her boyfriend is getting transferred to Amsterdam. So cool. And rather than be separated for two years, they are going to get engaged and she will quit her job and move with him. Once there, because she probably will not be able to get a job, so she plans to study at a university.
This, if the life I should be leading.
Did I get in the wrong line at embryo school? Was there a mix-up of some sort? Will I wake up and realize that this was all a dream and I am really royalty?
I mean, WHAT THE FUCK?!
What�s the grand plan here people, because I�m getting antsy.
I�m bored. I want to be somewhere else. I want to be someone else.
And this is Day 3 of the non-drinking, non-partying rest. What�s the point? It sucks. I don�t know how people do this. I want to be out. I need to be socializing. Do you know that the other night I walked out of my office and didn�t even realize it but I had walked into traffic?
I was just standing there, in the rain, confused. I had no idea where to go. It was 7PM and I had no idea where to go. Home? It was disorienting when I got out there on the pavement, in the rain and had to decide what direction I was going in. How prophetic. So I stood there, in the pouring rain, in the middle of the street, dazed and I vaguely heard people yelling to me. I kinda jerked my head around and when I did, I saw a yellow taxi speeding straight at me from a few feet away. I knew it could never break in time. I jumped back, the taxi driver slammed on his brakes and skid right over the spot where I had stood just a second before. I could see people looking at me curiously and the screeching of the tires on wet asphalt resounded in my ears. Without thinking, I opened the door to the taxi, which had already started moving, and jumped in as it picked up speed.
I think I scared the shit out of the driver. I gave him my address and he and I sat in silence for the 10-minute ride. I wonder if he was thinking how close he had been to killing me and the repercussions of running a Partygirl down? The wrath of my parents and psycho friends! The crusade my work pals would take up, against speeding yellow taxis! Mayor Guiliani, pounding his fist on the podium, exclaiming, �WE CANNOT NOT LOSE ANOTHER PARTYGIRL!�
I can see the news coverage now, teary testimonials from my roommates, �We told her to stop taking taxis! We don�t know how she always found one.�
The Deli guys, �She went to lots of pardy�s and was good customer.�
My brother, �No Comment.�
Marnie2000, �She played a great harmonica. One time, she played at this transvestite bar��
Random barfly�s, watching the news story at bars across the nation, �Hey! I�ve seen that girl in here before!�
My friend A., �I can�t believe she died before me. She owed me a $100!�
My friend S., � She was a rockstar among rockstars.�
High school friends, �She was voted most likely to die by 25 � frankly, we�re surprised she made it this long!�
My colorist, �She had beautiful hair. Three dimensional highlights on color that outshone any society bonde in the room. The red was a mistake.� ::whispered:: ��home job.�
My friend C., �It all went downhill when she started hanging out with the gay boys. I told her she was spending too much time with them and that she wasn�t going to meet anyone if she was with them, but she wouldn�t listen.�
My friend Jen, �Can I have her bedazzeler?�
My college friends, �She was a great time. Crazy, but a great time.�
My black friends, �She was a white girl that who wasn�t really �white�. She could get ghetto on your ass like the �hood rat she be.�
My trust fund friends, �Does this mean someone gets her spot on the waiting list for the Swarovsky crystal golf bracelot?�
My Deadhead friends, �Now she�s with Jerry at that Show in the sky. Box of Rain, man...Eyes, man.�
My artist friends, �She had a vision. A vision that was cut short.�
Me, �I can�t believe I went out like THIS.�
previous next