This is for you Morbious, and the others out there like you who like it when I expose myself and let you watch me bleed. No hard feelings;-)I like it too sometimes, sadist mutherfucker I can be.

*~*

Girls want love. To be in love to be loved to know love to taste love to be enveloped with love to see the world through love to swallow love.

I'm not all about that kind of love. I'm not girly like that.

It's not that I don't want love, it's that I don't *get* love. It's like a language barrier for me. It wasn't something I picked up along the way. I think someone forgot to put it in my starter kit.

I have no comprehension of being in love. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing.

I treat people with love. People I pass on the street or interact with on a daily basis.

Contrastly, one of my greatest talents, is walking away. I am a fantastic walk-awayer.

I am really good at snubbing love. Giving love the cold shoulder. Getting out before I get in too deep.

Who needs the heartache? The stress? The ups followed by the serious downs?

Not me.

I live a careful life, not worried about my love getting home late or being stranded somewhere because I didn't call. I don't have to make an effort to be nice in the morning because there's no one there.

I don't have to act wide-eyed and interested at night when he gets home and wants to tell me about his day.

I don't have my heart-broken every time my child scrapes his or her knee or is called a mean name, because I don't have any children.

I don't have to worry about anyone except for myself, really. This frees up a lot of my time to carry on like a teenager and overdo it frequently.

My friends like it because it clears me to listen to their lovelorn lives and miscellaneous extras.

I'm not a blinders kind of girl. I was almost a blinders girl with that last guy a month ago, so it's probably good that didn't pan out.

I just like to hang out. And I like to leave when I want to leave, without leaving early because someone else wants to leave or have to stay because someone else wants to stay.

I like to make my own choices; I'm not really up for discussion. I'm just not a timeshare person. I'd rather buy what I like, where I like and use it whenever I want.

I don't really understand the girls who don't feel this way. The ones who leave early when they don't want to leave. The ones who sit around waiting for a guy. The ones who overlook the obvious signs that they are about to get the Heisman.

I mean, HELLO?! I see it coming. I always see it coming.

This is why I like to get out early. In an out and nobody gets hurt. I'm like a Navy Seal. Saving my own life.

My friend told me a few weeks ago that she thinks it's time for me to get hurt. That everybody's already done it and I should just get it over with now and get ready for the real thing.

I'd rather not.

So maybe I am a scaredy cat. I don't like bugs or rodents. I am deathly afraid of sharks but I swim in the ocean. I think I'm doing pretty well!

The truth is, I hate to be conned. I'd rather not be one of those girls at the end of the day, left holding some guy's shirt hostage as a teary memento. I'd rather skip curling up in the fetal position, thanks for asking.

I'd rather pass on the hours of self-analysis and self-hate, you can just check them at the door.

I don't want to feel like my mental capacity is trapped inside some REM song, Michael Stipe's depressing hollow voice echoing between the walls of my mind, slamming the doors of my perception.

So, Why?

Why do I have a feeling that I am going to be forced into Berlitz? That someone's just going to sign me up without asking and six weeks later I'm going to be speaking a foreign dialect?

I like my language just FINE.

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