I have found that in your working career, regardless of your chosen profession, there are 4 kinds of working people:

1) The people who are morons and just cannot figure out how to get their job done without the highest levels of supervision. Those people get fired.

2) The people who have no idea what they are doing but somehow are able to fool higher ups into thinking they know what they are doing. Those people often get promoted.

3) People who know what to do, but don't and push the work down, while merchandising their own "solid" contribution to the company.

4) People who get the work done on time, which is faster than the average Joe. Some of these people are very quick and able, others just quicker and better thinkers than others. These people get rewarded, but they also get the largest workload.

I fall into the #4 category. This category can be tricky. People who fall into the other categories want you to fall on your face, to even out the work curve. So in addition to getting your enormous workload done, and the workload of those in category #3 who are dumping their work on you, you also have to watch your back and consistently market your achievements to the people who matter otherwise they will not acknowledge it. Why should they, you always pull through with a smile.

"What's that? You want me to move Mount Everest by 5PM and have it renamed after your goldfish? Okay." And you make it happen.

Somedays, when I'm bending over backwards, and I get cornered by the #3's, it can get ugly.

Like today. I can withstand a lot. But I just won't be accused of misrepresentation when I am moving mountains.

When this happens, I have learned to stop and not react to that person. My motto is "proactive, not reactive" because if I react, it will be vitrolic.

I am also learning to vent. Previously, I would internalize to the brink of demonic thoughts. I don't do that anymore. I yell. And occasionally, I scream. (Not at people, though.)

Today, I recieved an e-mail that made me want to rip out the senders vocal cords with my teeth. I choose to close that e-mail, and not respond.

Later, I received a call that basically instructed me to do something that I vehmently do not want to do, so much so that when I had to do it at another job, it became an integral reason that I left that job.

While on this heinous call, I simply laid down on the floor of my office, covered my eyes with my arm, and calmly relayed my opinion of this request.

I just kept reminding myself that someday I'll be on Oprah, talking about my bestseller and my previous life as a publicist. I will speak up on behalf of mistreated publicists everywhere. I will chastise the reporters who were so rude everyday of my life and never had time for me until I had "the big story" and they all called me like I was their best friend.

I pictured myself explaining to the Oprah audience, what it's like to be a publicist. How you explain to your own family for YEARS that no, you did not create the commercial for your client that they saw during the Superbowl. That's ADVERTISING.

And no, you can't help your cousin out with his manuscript because you are not in PUBLISHING.

And you cannot just take on the next door neighbor's local food drive for Equador and book them on The Today Show, tomorrow.

The stories go on, as did this unpleasant call. It went on so long that I started to daydream about my future Barbara Walters appearance. I have pledged to myself that I won't cry when I do her show to promote my book, which will also be a blockbuster movie, but frankly, if she makes me relive this phone conversation, I just might.

And I will tell them both about the numerous phone calls and letters I wrote to get my clients on their shows. We will all laugh over this, and then I will shamelessly plug all of my old clients, as an act of good faith and in the hope that they may use me as a spokesperson.

I'll have a good laugh with Rosie and Regis, laughing over the times I spent in the green room as a flack.

But mostly, we'll talk about me and how brilliant I am, how crazy my life has been and how they are eagerly anticipating my next book.

Most importantly, I won't harrass my publicist. I won't fire her when I do something stupid and someone leaks it to the gossip columnists. I will applaud her on what a great job she's doing. I will increase her retainer! I will pay her on time! I will send her on fabulous vacations to one of my estates! My publicist is one lucky girl.

My future is so much more pleasant in my head.

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