Chaos. That's the only way to describe this week and it's only Tuesday. I am trying to figure out if it's a full moon or something.

I'm working crazy hours. Then I come home and the phone starts ringing.

"Partygirl, I loooooooooovvvvvvvvveee you," I hear slurred on the line.

Nice buzz, I think and laugh. "I love you too!"

"No, Partygirl, I do love you. You're the best."

"Thanks!"

Before I know it, I have been invited into a free summer home and on a private vacation the summer of 2004, with my friend's family on a 21-person yacht they are commandeering. We are going to explore Alaska by boat. Done.

How did I get this lucky? I should check my shoes and see what I stepped in...

Next call. "Partygirl! Where are you? Are coming to the B.?" I hear A. whisper into the phone.

"What? Can I call you back? I'm on the other line with C. and I can't hear you, it must be a bad connection..."

"No! Listen to me. You can't call me! Do. NOT. CALL. I am out with [psycho ex GF] and I am sneaking this call in the bathroom stall. Don't come to this bar tonight."

"Ummm, ok. What's up, I really need to talk to you! Can you call me back?"

"Yes...give me an hour..." he whispers and then hangs up.

It's getting stranger and stranger. Click, another call.

"Partygirl! Did you get my e-mail? Should I open the package or just send it back beaten and unopened?!"

It's myfriendjen. She received a package from the loser guy she dated twice in December and swiftly dropped after he completely blew her New Years Eve. They haven't spoken since New Years Day, when she booted his ass, but the guy Fed Ex'ed a package to her today.

"For chrissakes, open it!" I yell.

"It's a plastic mermaid figurine and it's not even cool! It says made in China on it 3 times! Should I snap its head off and send it back in pieces?," she asks me.

Hmmm. "Maybe you should JUST send the head back, ala The Godfather. Guys get that meaning right away," I comment.

"Maybe I should decimate it from your apartment onto the avenue in a grand gesture. Like a karmic riddance ritual," she muses.

"Yes!" I scream. "A ritual! Bring it over this weekend and we will decimate it!"

It's Tuesday. I think it's going to be a long week.

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