Today, April Fools Day, was all about this Fool growing up.

I went to a doctor's appt. today for my first grown up physical. My Dr. said that I am approaching 30 and it's time to run the tests. Sadly, I showed up a day early for my appt. What did I learn from this? It's time for me to start keeping a CALENDAR. I know the rest of the world has a palm pilot, but I don't operate like that. I'm not an advance planner and that's seriously involved planning. I just need to write these things down.

I also requested and reviewed my credit report for the first time today. Let me tell you, it's bad. It's worse than bad. My credit is only better than 10% of American consumers. That's really bad. But as I started to go through it, I saw open accounts for bills that I had reconciled. So I called these places and it turns out they submitted the paperwork and it just hasn't shown up yet on the systems among the credit agencies, so they are sending me letters verifying that my accounts are closed and paid. That's good. Moral of the story: Don't scream at credit card companies and tell them to Fuck Off because you can't understand their process and systems. Speak in a calm and friendly tone and they will help you.

A friend of mine had a death related breakdown at work today triggereed by a service for a friend. It brought back all of her fears created by her father's untimely death. Through the tears, she said that she's just so afraid. She doesn't understand why someone so young would die and it scares her that it could be her next. I understand grief and I understand the personal fear that death can conjure in a person. This was probably the one thing I was equipped to handle today. I calmly told her that death never makes sense, and because of that, there's no point in trying to understand it. More importantly, you have to learn how to accept it and generate something positive in your life from the negative feelings that it brings. You can't fight death and you also can't give in to it. We don't choose when we come into this world and we don't choose when we leave it; I prefer to try to be a better person in because of death. I'd rather make the deceased proud and remember them because I feel that they are always with me. It's never ok for someone young to die but it's a fact of life. It wasn't okay for 6 of my friends to die on September 11th, but they did and I am still living. I could waste my life trying to rationalize and understand their deaths and where would I be? Dead to this world because I gave my life to grief. The lesson I learned about death is to grieve and thank God that I am still here to live.

Only God knows why I'm here but there must be some reason, so I'd better keep trying.

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