Today I am Melancholy. I can't decide whether I am angry or sad, so I'll just run with melancholy. I am suffering from a lethal combination of PMS and the birthday blues. Both are late stage acute illnesses. I don't want to be here, I'm hating my job today. But I don't want to go home because there is no peace to be had there.

I have plans every night this week, through the weekend and every night next week. I don't want to go anywhere and I don't want to do anything. I want to be left alone.

This sucks.

I can't even get some sleep this weekend because I am throwing my own birthday party and that means I have to run around with my roommates and prepare. Why do I do this?

I fear my birthday party. They've been getting more and more random. I may have no option but to lock myself in my room.

I am having one of those moments, when you regret playing up your birthday. Like I don't feel like dealing with the big deal at work - I don't want the cake and the gag gifts and the happy hour suggestions. Actually, it's kinda ironic that my plans for Thursday, my actual birthday, have just been cancelled. The only day I have a reason to celebrate, with no plans TO celebrate.

Usually I love the birthday. It's the one day of the year that I can wear my tiara, expect gifts, and get free drinks. What's not to like? But this year, I just don't want to buy into the plan. It doesn't feel like my birthday. It feels like melancholy.

I guess this is the start of the birthday blues.

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