I have fully overdone it.

Let me tell you about last night.

I go to Lot 61 and proceed to end up sitting at a table of technology reporters and we proceed to drink ourselves silly. I am drinking merlot. They are drinking gin martini's. We are loud and raucous.

I am like a kid in a candy store. LADIES - These technology guys are adorable! And straight!! So this one guy walks past me and he doesn't even pass my shoulders when I say, not so subtly to my friend across the table, he's cute!! No sooner does "cute" leave my mouth then he jumps back and is standing in front of me.

He was like a baby-faced Elliot Smith and I can't even deal with how absolutely messy-cute he was. He asked for a smoke (it's a good thing I smoke or I wouldn't be meeting anyone, I think!) I give him a smoke and say he can have it if he tells me his name so he points at his name tag....and his name is the same as my father's. This wouldn't be so strange if I didn't share the same name as my mother...as a couple, it would be like history repeating itself.

Anyway, he walks away and later my friend tells me he is sitting behind us and looking at me. I decide he's looking at my other friend sitting next to me because she's much prettier, but I keep turning around because now I am SAUCED and SAUCY! And I try to give a little over-the-shoulder wave but he keeps looking away when I turn around.

So I forget about him and get back into the convo. at hand. About 4 hours and 6 glasses of merlot later (I overdid it), the place has cleared out and this guy drunkenly stumbles over to my table and as he points at my cigarettes and asks if he can have one, I scream his name.

Who does this? I do. This might be why people tell me I am a little overwhelming?

So he grabs the smoke, and then he slams his business card down on the table in front of me - without saying a word, no smile, nothing - and he backs away. No words exchanged. Doesn't turn around and walk away, backs away. Somewhat clumsily. I was totally flabbergasted. I mean, how strange is that? And as I'm thinking how strange he is, now I am, predictably, smitten.

Love it!!!!! And I got a number, so I RULE!!!!!

So we leave there at like midnight and I allow my friend to convince me to stop in an open mic night so she can sing. And we did. And I drank more merlot. And then I spilled merlot. And I screamed for every person that picked up that mic and opened their mouth. Former cheerleader. Can't help myself.

We emerged from the bar around 2:30AM.

We now head to the corner deli, because I need feminine products. There's a homeless guy on the corner yelling in at me asking if I can help him. So I go outside and share my Teddy Grahams. Then I go back inside and my friend and I invite him in the store and tell him to pick out whatever he wants. He picks out a Bud pounder and a small bag of Pork Rinds.

The store owner comes around and tries to kick the homeless guy out but we tell him that we are paying and to leave the man alone.

We end up purchasing for the man: pork rinds, peanut M&M's, Evian, a Turkey and Cheese sandwich, an apple, a small box of cheerios, fortified orange juice, a pack of Newports and two Bud Pounders.

The guy couldn't believe it. He asked us if it was Christmas.

So then my friend makes me take a cab home and we argue because I am 4 blocks but she doesn't want me to walk because of the rapist in my neighborhood, who attacked 5 girls - all blonde - two doors down from me a few months ago. I get in the cab and the driver tells me, "You're friend's right. It's too late for you to be walking home alone. Especially on those dark side streets." Fine. And then he asks me why I don't have a guy to walk me home? I don't know buddy, but that seems to be the question of the year.

I get out of the car and he says he'll wait, to make sure I get in and as I put my key in the front door, I hear him yell, "Hey, is it true what they say?" and I say "What's that?" and he asks, "Do blondes have more fun?" I stop and laugh, and turn around, key in door and I yell back, "As a former brunette, I can tell you, FUN comes in any color I choose." And then I wink and say, "But blonde is a WILD ride."

And then I went to bed. It was 3AM.

So now I have no money because I spent my last $10 until I get paid tomorrow on the homeless guy. And I have 3 different social engagements tonight. Tune in to see if I can pull this off.

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