Hi. I'm bored. With everything.

At first I thought this might be a sign that I needed to take a break from my sordid lifstyle but then I thought it was some type of general malaise settling in. I considered that I could have SAD, but I know that I don't.

I'm just bored. With everyone and everything and even, with myself.

I have pinpointed this boredom to be related to my Saturn Returns. I mean, I know I'm only 27 and technically Saturn Returns happens between 28-30, but I've always been an early bloomer.

I got my period in 6th grade. I had my first breakdown at age 15 in social studies class because I suddenly realized that I was so over high-school. At 20, I mentally finished college. I was ready to get out. At 23 I had what I like to call "the early twenties breakdown" which was what my middle-twenties aged friends were also having and I was also to talk them through it. When I turned 27, I freaked out in the way at person turning 30 might.

So, really it makes sense that I am going through my Saturn Returns early.

If you don't know what Saturn Returns is, allow me to break it down:

Every 28 to 29.5 years Saturn returns to the same point in the Zodiac it was at when you were born. In a nutshell the Saturn Return at age 28-30 represents a major turning point in your life. Major events occur in your career and your relationships in response to a change of attitude on your part. Maybe you decide to go in different directions or maybe you decide to get really serious about the direction you are going. Either way you make important decisions and as a result you take on more responsibility and your lifestyle changes. In some aspects of your life you may have ignored your responsibilities up until now so the Saturn Return brings stress and crisis, demanding that you face the problem and make changes. When you go through your Saturn Return you realize just what it is you really want to do in your life, so you shelve interests, behaviors, careers, relationships, etc. that don't apply to your new direction. It's like trimming down your life, getting leaner and meaner, more focused.

That part I copied off a web site. Here's my translation: Saturn Returns is when you shed your skin. You move away from the person you were in high school and college and your twenties. You actually metamorphosis into the person you are going to be for the rest of your life.

Suddenly you don't give a shit anymore about the things you thought were priorities or important. You dismiss people that you once thought were important in your life because you realize they cannot come withyou in this new direction you are moving toward. They will no longer be a part of this journey through life.

You know longer give a shit about pomp and circumstance. If you don't feel like being polite for the sake of things, then you are not. And you really don't give a shit if anyone is offended.

You decide to take action. Suddenly, you are like, "Whoa! I dig that person and you know what, I am sick and tired of him not giving me a second look" so you do something totally unlike you and you approach him and aggressively pursue him.

You suddenly realize that you've been wasting you time trying to make a relationship work with a guy who gives 50% and with whom the sex isn't that good and you decide, F- that. I'm not putting myself out there anymore for less than 8 inches because it's about MY satisfaction now.

You could not give a shit what people think about you, say about you or hear about you because you've reached a point in your life when you are going to do what makes you happy.

(Actually, I've pretty much always done that)

You realize that the opposite sex is just as chickenshit as you are about going into relationships. You realize that they need encouragement and signs, if not outright declarations of love, lust and other matters of the heart.

You come into your own. That's what I think is happening to me. I'm bored with my 20's persona and I'm looking to move into a different direction. Not necessarily marriage, kids, yet but taking the initial steps to get to that plane.

That used to totally freak me out. But I kind of think the idea of monogamy in my life right now, would be cool.

Moving forward in life. That's what this is. The crazy partying of your twenties is like racing on a treadmill. You're running and running, but what's the point, you don't get anywhere?

But it's damn fun.

I don't see that changing for me. The man that I decide to share my life with will be right there with me.

As for you all, well, sit tight because I am bringing you all along for this ride. A front row ticket to watch my metamorphosis. It will be slow and aggravating, no doubt. You may want to give me a kick in the ass. But when it is said & done, I will be an even more beautiful person than before.

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