13:55:50 | 2000-04-12


I need help. This is a serious problem and it's affecting my life. It dominates my brain. I can't stop looking at it...ingesting it...looking for more and more and then finding it and passing it on to friends..telling them to try it.

This drug is diaryland and it should be illegal. There should be a wing at Betty Ford for recoverers. I can't stop reading other people's diary's. And then, I find myself bookmarking them. Thinking about their entries...looking them up to check on them the day after they've had a slum entry. Worried about C-H-A-O-S because she hasn't gotten her period in 2 months, laughing with Kiwi over her frustration with her Mom, mentally following Chinacat on her trip through the streets of Phillie, asking Cubegirl what HTML she used to get that clever layout and background on her page.....What's happening to me??? I'm not some cybergeek; my gig is going out and polluting myself with cocktails and witty conversation and crazy late-night happenings! I shouldn't be glued to my PC! Working on my PC should be an AFTERTHOUGHT, and certainly not motivation to come to work. I should be motivated to come to work to show off my new make-up or to see the cute receptionist (who has since quit) or just to clock in the time to keep that paycheck intact!

Good God! Could there be others out there like me?!? And more importantly, are any of them graduated from high school or college?!? Other 20-somethings with a mentality of a 15-year-old? Others who can't decide if they prefer reading Teen People or Jane or Rolling Stone or Vanity Fair, so oh hell, they read them all?!? People who prefer a new toy over a sensible pair of shoes? Others who are old enough to refrain from Cookiepuss on their birthday, but hell, just refuse to give up the tradition...actually, that's NOT a tradition of mine, but I would like it to be! ARE YOU OUT THERE??? ARE YOU WATCHING DAWSON'S CREEK TOO? Do you aspire for your hair to look like that girl (the friend) on Roswell? Are you dreaming at night of Freddie Prinze Jr. and Joshua Jackson? And then waking up and realizing that you no longer live at home and you have to get up and go to WORK and furthermore, someone expects you to fill out this form written in $#%@ Haitian and pay your taxes to the Government(Gasp*)? I'm too young to pay taxes and for CHRIST SAKE I don't make enough money so how in HELL could I owe it?? How did I land here, at this age?!? Am I dreaming? Is this like the epsiode of Dallas when Bobby wakes up and realizes that J.R. was never shot???? Does anyone reading this even remember the series Dallas??

Through this all, I read their pages and I read mine and I see that they may be in high school or college or inbetween or post- both and well, hell, I'm just as confused as they are. Shouldn't I be more advanced? Shouldn't I be moving on, or, are they just catching up?

Oh what a tangled web Diaryland weaves, when at first we get hooked and read....

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